


Scratching Post-Mortem

by dontrush



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pesterlog, Rare Pairing, dreambubble, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrush/pseuds/dontrush
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave shook his head. "You mean more fucking stalking, don't you?"</p>
<p>Nepeta nodded. "If you're up for it, you are furee to join me." she said, reaching out her hand. "Pawrtners?"</p>
<p>Dave grabbed her hand and shook. "I could think of a worse hell than having to spend some more time with you," he quipped.</p>
<p>For the first time since he died, Dave knew what he was getting himself into.</p>
<p>Or so he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Who's this douchebag?"

Dave opened his eyes with a start. He was attempting to sleep, an activity he expected was impossible in this dreambubble hell of his. He sat up groggily and noticed that the nice bed from Derse's moon had been replaced with a pile of grass and pink leaves, and that the rest of the landscape was dominated by huge purple trees. He was in someone else's memory now. 

Dave looked in the direction of the shrill voice. He had only met two trolls so far, but two was enough to determine that the grey-skinned, orange-horned figure before him was a troll as well. He looked her over: that omega-looking symbol on her shirt, those red anime shades, that cane. His mind recalled all the shitty comics where he had seen them before. 

He had finally found her. The girl who helped him. The girl who killed him.

As Dave stood up, a gruff voice answered from a distance. "How the fuck am I supposed to know? You ran off after you 'smelled something suspicious' with that mutant snout of yours, so I can't even see who you're talking about!"

The girl went stone-faced before shouting back, "Neither can I.” She then let out a cackle like the second-place hyena at a scare-the-shit-out-of-Dave competition. 

A mess of unruly black hair and two nubby horns became visible as the nearing voice answered "As if your constant blindness puns aren't so totally played out by now."

The male troll had completely white eyes. Dave gladly ignored the disconcerting sight for the moment and considered his words carefully. She had had many conversations with him, but never in person. These would be the first words he would say to her in real life. _Actually,_ he thought, _in real death, but hell if I'm going to alter every figure of speech to accommodate my new living conditions. Or rather dying conditions. Or would it be death conditions? Post-death conditions? See, this is exactly why my idioms need to stay the same; change one and it's a slippery-slope clusterfuck down into the lowest level of grammatical purgatory._

While Dave's mind was occupied with all the semantic implications of his new existence _(non-existence? FUCK.)_ , the two trolls began to converse. When he finally jumped from a sidecar off that pedantic train of thought, he heard one of them ask the other, "I wonder if it can talk?” Before the other could open his mouth and say something predictably profane, Dave decided to clear up the confusion.

"Sup Terezi."

With a noncommittal wave of the hand Dave successfully pulled off what he was sure was the coolest greeting in paradox space. He briefly wondered whether she would reply "Hey Dave," or "Hey Cool Kid.” Instead she gave him a puzzled look and paused to let the angry one flip his shit.

"HOLY FUCK. I don't know what's worse, that it can speak or that it somehow knows your name. What in the name of the Gamzee's shitty clown gods have you done with this repulsive creature?"

"SHUSH! I just told you I've never met him before. Maybe we ought to let him explain?" she responded, turning to Dave. "You have a lot of questions to answer, but the first one can be this: What is your name?"

Dave was sure they were fucking with him. "What, you don't recognize me? Figures that those Trollian viewports wouldn't be able to accurately render Dave Strider. You could probably only make out these cool as fuck shades through all that compression loss."

"Dave, huh? Well as you somehow already know, I'm Terezi and the grumpy nook whiffer there is Karkat.” She rested both her hands on the cane in front of her, grinning. "So tell me luscious lime Dave, how do you know who I am?"

He took one hand from the pocket of what had recently turned into his felt suit and grabbed the back of his neck. Something was off about this whole encounter. "Wait," he realized. "I got this, you don't remember me cause you haven't figured out that this is a dream bubble or something.” He was pretty sure that's how that particular metaphysical convention worked.

"You are dodging the question.” Terezi licked her lips as Dave mentally remarked that her morbid alien lawyer shtick was more terrifying face to face. "For your information, we've been here a while and figured out that we were both dead rather quickly. Now I will only ask one more time, how do you know my name?” She prompted her hand for a slap.

"Jegus fuck, Terezi, no need to pop a justice boner, I'm not a fucking Republic serial villain. I'm a human. From your universe, the one you created." 

The feigned interest Karkat held throughout the conversation collapsed under the weight of his genuine interest in that last statement. "Hold up, seriously? Rewind that shit, Dave...human, his Honorable Tyranny wasn't paying attention."

Dave sighed. Whatever direction Karkat was about to take this conversation was definitely going to be a shitty one. "You created our universe in the game. The same game we all died playing."

Karkat smirked. "So that makes us your GODS, doesn't it? We are responsible for your miserable existence so you'd better kneel agog and grovel, bitch. I'll be expecting burnt offerings on hourly interv—" Terezi placed her prompted hand over Karkat's mouth with an audible "DOOF." 

"You'll have to forgive my, uh, partner. He may seem like an angry asshole at first, but that's only because he is one.” Any objections Karkat gave were muffled. It seemed like Terezi wasn't going to let him talk until she got her answers. "So what's your story then? You said you died playing the game."

Dave almost let a hint of frustration show though his facade. Was she really going to make him be the one to say what she did? "Yeah. I did. And you're the one—"

A vocal yelp cut him off as Terezi pulled her hand away and wiped it on her shirt. "Karkles!" she playfully intoned, "I thought I told you that I was the only one who was allowed to initiate licking sessions!” A wry grin played on her lips. 

"Sure. And I thought I told you to never call me by that insufferable pet name." Even Karkat was smiling now. "So we're even now. Wait; forget I said that, I know how all of that balance and justice shit gets you worked up."

"Too late, I'm feeling a case of the jurisprudential vapors coming on already! It could very well be lethal.” Her grin somehow managed to magnify.

"Good thing we're already fucking dead, then."

Terezi frowned. "That was the joke, dumbass."

Karkat knitted his brow. "What about the little engagement we had before you decided to nose-ogle some alien? You know, just the whole fucking reason we were out here in the first place? Was that a joke too?"

"Sorry I can't be on the ball constantly like you seem to think you are! Some of us get a little distracted sometimes.” She turned to Dave, who had been quite busy failing to realize what the fuck was going on between those two. "Ugh. I'm afraid story time is going to have to wait. Karkat gets cranky if he goes too long without…in any case, we can catch up later.” Terezi grabbed Karkat's hand and walked off towards a distant congregation of tents. "See you around!”

Dave's reply of "But how?" went unheeded.

***

Dave finished shaping the crushed sugar cubes into a roughly comfortable bed and stood to admire his work. He glanced behind him, sure he had heard something. _Was that a purr? Maybe a dead Rose is nearby. That would explain all the cats on these teapots. No, wait, her planet was unbearably saccharine, but not literally. Whose memory is this, anyway?_

As if in answer, something leapt from the shadows and tacklepounced him like the blue ribbon winner at a scare-the-shit-out-of-Dave competition. The two slid through the pile, strewing little cubes about indiscriminately. His attacker, _another goddamn troll_ with an olive green long coat, greeted him enthusiastically.

"Is that you, Akwete Purrmusk?"

The girl had unkempt black hair and eyes like two bone china plates. Dave tentatively played along. "You know it girl. Glutes of tempered steel right here. I used to claim they were the hardest in the jungle but damn, judging from that pounce you might have just given me a run for my money. I'd love to chat but I have a ton of not being straddled by a total fucking stranger plans, so if you wouldn't mind getting off—"

"Teehee! All you had to do was ask, silly." She stood up and let Dave do the same before introducing herself. "My name's Nepeta!"

"Sup," Dave responded, dusting the white specks off of his black suit in vain. "I lied earlier by the way; I don't have any real plans. Also my name's Dave, not Akimbe Meowstank or whatever the fuck."

"Heh, I knew that. I was just hoping you'd be able to roleplay fur me like you did fur Jade."

A brief look of surprise passed over Dave's face. "Whoa, when did you talk to Jade? Did she show you that pesterlog?"

"Mmmhmm. I roleplayed a lot with her ofur Trollian! No offense," she grinned, "but she was my purrsonal favorite out of all the kids.” She drew out the pun as if she weren't sure Dave would get it. "We went on some super fun adventures too!"

"In person? You managed to take her on some sort of goofy Nepetaquest?"

Nepeta sat on the ground and began to stretch her legs. "Sort of. I got to hang out with her here after her dreamself died. But then she disapearred and I nefur saw her again!"

Dave sat across from her and folded his arms. "Shit. Does that happen all the time here?” 

She shook her head. "It happens to people who are only sleeping when they wake up or someone hits them, but it nefur happens to dead people."

"I think I know where she went."

Nepeta gasped. "Really? You know what catpunned to Jade?"

"Yeah, she prototyped her sprite with her dead dreamself after she entered."

"Yay! She must have been happy to be back!"

Dave recollected Jade's description of the event. "Uh...yeah. She was totally fine with that."

Nepeta scooted closer to him. "She talked about you a lot, you know."

"I'm sure. She must have had a lot to say. Probably had to consult a dead dream thesaurus to look up more words meaning awesome. Then the book burst into flames and rekilled itself because there simply aren't enough. Jade was on me like fleas on an obscenely rad dog."

"Dog? Where!" Nepeta shouted, jumping to all fours. Dave couldn't help snickering. "That was mean." She stuck out her tongue and sat back down. "But if what Jade said was true, I can see why you were Terezi's favorite."

Dave blinked. "How much do you know about Terezi? I met her earlier and she acted like she didn't know me."

"Oh. Was she with Karkat?"

"Yeah."

"That's why. I saw them run off in this direction. That Terezi is the dead dreamself of the Terezi you knew. She and that Karkat both died when Jack destroyed Purrospit in our session. Before we discovered the humans."

 _Shit._ "So she told you all this herself, then?"

Nepeta crinkled her brow before stammering out, "Uh, sure, she must have told me!"

Dave sprang to his feet. "Yeah, BS. You would have blabbed to her about humans if you really talked to her."

Nepeta pouted. "Grrr. Denying what someone else says is a total RPing no-no!"

"Good thing we aren't roleplaying." He saw a chance to strike a nerve and added, "Now there's a statement that's always true."

She gasped. "Take that back, you big meanie!"

"Fine.” Dave smirked a little. This was the most fun he'd had while dead. "But only after you tell me the truth."

"Alright," Nepeta sighed, "I ofurheard it."

"And how did you do that?” His eyebrow arched.

"I'VE BEEN STALKING TEREZI AND KARKAT FUR A WHILE, OKAY?” He stared at her, speechless. "It's in my nature!" she protested. "I'm not gonna do anything to cause a purroblem. Come along if you want, I'll show you! Sigh...you don't blame me, do you?"

"Of course I blame you.” Dave reached out a hand to her. "For not inviting me sooner.” She grabbed his hand and stood up. "Sure beats sitting at my house listening to Tavros's godawful raps."

"Aww," she cried, crestfallen. "I had such high hopes for you two!” 

"What's that supposed to—"

"No time," she interrupted, "Which way did they go?"

As they sped off after their prey, Dave wondered what in hell he had gotten himself into.


	2. Chapter 2

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] \--  
TG: hey   
AA: hello!   
AA: how have you been?   
AA: since you died i mean   
TG: alright i guess   
AA: tell me all about it!   
TG: look who cares about dave all of the sudden   
TG: didnt care when you abandoned me   
AA: um...   
TG: its cool   
TG: you just met me like yesterday anyway   
TG: only a matter of time before you started to get your care on for the strider   
AA: right!   
AA: yesterday   
AA: let's go with that   
TG: whered you get off to anyway   
TG: just dumping me on tarvos like that   
AA: ive been doing the usual   
AA: shepherding wayward souls through their eternal resting place   
AA: you know   
AA: fun stuff!   
TG: right   
TG: thought i remembered you being creepy   
AA: im not creepy!   
AA: also his name is tavros not tarvos   
TG: about that   
TG: you couldn't have picked a worse guy to set me up with   
TG: if a motherfucker ever absconded faster than i did from that guy id like to see some goddamn proof   
AA: she thought something like that might happen   
TG: whos she   
AA: uh   
AA: no one?   
TG: yeah nothing suspicious about that statement whatsoever   
TG: anyway   
TG: after i left him i ran into terezi   
AA: oh   
AA: not the alpha her right?   
TG: no   
TG: well kind of actually   
TG: her dead dreamself   
AA: i see   
TG: she said she didn't know me   
TG: at first i thought she was pulling my leg   
TG: like my leg was a kids toy with a fuckton of lead paint on it and she was pulling it from the shelves   
TG: before some asshole kid puts it in his mouth   
AA: they make paint out of lead on earth?   
TG: well its not just like solid lead   
TG: paint is liquid of course it wouldnt be solid lead   
TG: but i guess some of our paint has a little lead in it yeah   
TG: why what do you guys make paint out of   
AA: the blood of culled wigglers   
TG: thats   
TG: some sort of insect or something right?   
AA: not exactly   
AA: wigglers are baby trolls   
TG: holy SHIT you guys are actually more fucked up than i imagined   
TG: but like i was saying before this conversation took a nose dive into fucking awful   
TG: her dreamself conveniently died right before she discovered the humans   
TG: so she doesnt even know me   
AA: isnt that a good thing?   
AA: alpha her is the one who killed you after all   
AA: wouldnt that remove most of the awkwardness from the situation?   
AA: now you can talk to her without the whole culpability thing hanging over you   
TG: maybe i could   
TG: if i actually got to talk to her   
AA: what stopped you?   
TG: fucking karkat   
TG: he apparently hangs around terezi nonstop   
TG: dude was jealous enough when we were in different universes   
TG: now that i finally get to talk meet her in person hes protective as fuck   
TG: and its not even the same karkat its his dead dreamself   
AA: sounds like a lot to deal with   
AA: have you met anyone else?   
TG: yeah actually   
TG: another troll   
TG: one i never even talked to before   
AA: and who might that be?   
TG: nepeta   
AA: really?   
AA: is that so?   
TG: yep   
AA: wow   
AA: what a crazy random happenstance   
AA: i sure am surprised right now yes sir   
TG: ?   
TG: wait dont actually try to answer that question mark   
TG: cause ive got a better one for you   
TG: so much better its invisible   
TG: and it comes at the end of the next sentence   
TG: whats her deal anyway   
AA: nepetas deal?   
TG: yeah i mean is the whole cat thing ironic   
TG: or is there some bullshit troll reason   
TG: also is she always this damn nice   
TG: or is she just happy to see me   
TG: i guess its kind of cute but shes just so sweet its a little offputting   
TG: like it makes me second guess whether or not shes just trying to take me into the woods so she can mutilate me like some shitty horror movie villain   
AA: what makes you think im some sort of nepeta expert?   
AA: i mean im her friend   
AA: but i really think you should be asking her all of this!   
AA: and maybe not tell her about that last part   
TG: i can hardly get a word in edgewise   
TG: shes going on and on about shipping or some shit   
AA: dave   
TG: yes   
AA: are you telling me   
AA: that we are having this conversation   
AA: while nepeta is talking to you   
AA: in person   
TG: well when you put it that way   
AA: dave!   
AA: i will tell you a little about her   
AA: but then youre going to have to put down your phone   
AA: and get your information straight from the damn source!   
TG: sheesh fine go ahead   
AA: the thing about nepeta is   
AA: shes almost always nice on the outside   
AA: and that may tempt you to not take her seriously   
AA: but she is also very fierce   
AA: and she cares about her friends with all of her heart   
AA: all she needs right now is someone to care back   
TG: what do you mean   
AA: i mean she needs a friend!   
AA: someone to talk to about important things   
AA: like life and death and what youre supposed to do now   
AA: and so do you seeing as tavros scared you off like that   
AA: now stop pestering me and talk to her!   
TG: okay jeez   
TG: thanks for the info   
TG: gonna go chat up cattroll now  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] \--  
AA: hehehe


	3. Chapter 3

"Wanna see my house?"

Dave said it on a whim. He and Nepeta had been on the hunt for a few hours. They had discussed the game at first, exchanging titles and lands. Then the conversation drifted to shipping. Dave had quickly learned that nothing so occupied Nepeta's mind as the interpersonal relationships of her friends. He got a little more information about her from Aradia, but he knew he was on his own now.

Nepeta turned around. "I would be pawsitively delighted to see your respiteblock!" 

"Uh...how exactly do I show it to you?"

"All you have to do is access it through your memeowry."

Dave closed his eyes and pictured his house. Shitty swords. Shittier puppets. He saw images of a place so familiar to him that he truly felt he _could_ make it appear through mere thought. He could smell the Houston air through his open window, FEEL his trusty turntables, and taste what was hopefully only apple juice. Dave opened his eyes and beheld it: the same goddamn troll planet he was just on.

"Okay, it turns out I have the shittiest imagination ever. Any other ideas?"

"Hmm." Nepeta's scrunched up her nose. _Does that when she's thinking,_ Dave noticed. "Maybe you should try thinking of a specific memeowry? Like an event that happened at your house."

Dave considered his options. He didn't want his Bro to show up ( _is that how that works?_ ) but he had to pick something. He didn't have to wait long though, as his brain chose for him. The trees around them were swapped for the familiarity of his home. Dave then looked at the ceiling just in time to see the falling pile of smuppets. _Nice choice, shithead._

The pile covered him completely. Nepeta giggled and picked one up. "Heehee, what are these?" She rubbed it against her face. "They're so soft!"

Dave burst out of the pile like "the one". "What? No, they are awful, put them down. I forbid you from touching these monstrosities."

Nepeta's eyes widened as the background flickered in and out of a place Dave didn't recognize. "You...furbid me?"

Dave hesitated. "Nah. It's cool. By all means take like thirty three of my Bro's filthy puppets." Afraid she might take him up on the offer, Dave changed the subject quickly. "But first, how about I give you a tour of Casa Del Strider?" Nepeta snapped out of it and nodded.

He took her through the rooms and answered her questions about his interests and his brother's interests. Unfortunately, cultural differences made such questions difficult to answer. 

"You seriously don't know what irony is?"

"I'm afuraid not."

"Did you grow up in a cave or something?"

Nepeta gasped. "How did you know?!?" 

"Uh, lucky guess. Don't worry, I'm probably the most qualified person to be teaching you about irony, my Bro exempted, of course. Anyway, to start with, at the lowest level it means to say one thing but mean another."

"Oh, so it's just lying then."

"No, no. See, the person you are talking to knows that you mean the other thing."

Nepeta thought for a moment. "Well that's just silly! Why not just say what you mean if the other purrson knows either way? Besides, I don't see what that has to do with your bro liking puppets."

Dave sighed. "No that's a higher level entirely. You see, to sincerely like them is uncool. So he says he likes them ironically as a joke. That's because the puppets themselves are so uncool that to like them even ironically is also uncool. So what he really likes is the joke itself, but liking the joke sincerely still isn't cool because the joke isn't cool, which is why when he likes the joke, he likes it ironically. However, liking the joke is another joke in itself, a metajoke which is enough layers removed from the puppets to be able to be liked unironically. Where it gets tricky is where Bro likes the metajoke ironically, thus undermining the notion that it was a cool metajoke in the first place, which inexplicably makes the metajoke that much cooler. By now, he's scaled so many layers of irony that even the notion of irony becomes a fucking joke, but THAT joke is undercut by the fact that Bro just keeps going, adding more and more strata of irony upon hyperirony like a wicked ironic ninja. He gets up to and beyond the point where the joke about irony ceases to be either a joke OR ironic. His towering shrine to irony, an ironic shrine, mind you, which is also a joke, turns what started out as pretending to like mere puppets into the kind of philosphical masterpiece that only truly cultured minds can appreciate. This juxtaposition of higher level thinking with puppets that appeal to the baser instincts then becomes a joke in and of itself and the process can--are you getting all this? Maybe you should get a pen. I could draw up some diagrams if you're confused."

"The only purrson who is confused here is YOU!" Nepeta laughed. 

"What do you mean?"

Nepeta laughed again. "I mean you're being a wiggler about this whole thing! I think your Bro just likes puppets."

Dave looked away. "Of course he does. It's just ironic is all."

"No it isn't! You just say that beclaws you don't want to be embarressed by him."

"Bullshit." He looked back at Nepeta. "How could I be embarressed by someone so awesome?"

"I can smell an insecure guy from so far away with this nose!" She tapped it to demonstrate. "I know that deep down you think your Bro isn't actually cool; you just don't want anyone else to find out. So you made up this big confusing lie about irony and jokes and made yourself believe what you wanted efurryone else to believe!" 

"Whoa whoa, saying my Bro isn't cool is straight-up blasphemy. Almost as bad as saying I'm not cool."

"Well maybe you aren't." Nepeta stuck out her tongue.

Dave staggered. _What's with this girl? Anyone else would've dropped the issue by now. Not even Jade has the patience to keep up this kind of assualt and she's known me for years. Gotta find some way to shut her up about this._ Luckily, he had just gotten to the door of his bedroom. "This," he said, opening the door with a flourish, "is where the magic happens."

Nepeta looked around at the room. She gazed from poster to poster before taking interest in the unfamiliar sound equipment. She stepped closer and passed a hand over a turntable, giving it a spin. She turned to Dave, dead eyes full of wonder. "What's all this stuff do?"

He gave her his trademark half-grin. "I use all this stuff to make sick beats. Music." _Dave's back, baby. Just blow her away and she'll drop the uncool Dave hypothesis for good._ He pointed to each instrument in turn. "Those are the turntables, and that's the mixer. I use them for scratching and mixing."

"So you scratch these things? Ooh!" she beamed, equiping her claws, "Can I try?"

"Whoa, hold on a sec Wolverine," Dave reared. "Let me show you." He stepped into position behind his equipment and flipped some switches before demonstrating.

Nepeta clapped when Dave finished. "Teehee, that was great. Purrhaps you could show me one of your famouse mixes now?"

"I don't know..." Dave teased. _Gotta make her want it first._ "The Strider is a notoriously reclusive artist. A live, personal peformance is fucking unheard of." 

"Purretty please?" 

Dave paused as if he were considering it. "I suppose I could make an exception just this once."

"Yayyyyyyyyyy!"

 _Now for the icing on the cake._ "I've got an idea." He pulled out a microphone and hooked it into his mixer. Then he handed it to Nepeta. "I'll sample you. Say something. Anything one syllable."

She thought for a moment before signalling Dave to record. 

"Meow!"

 _Perfect._ Dave clipped the recording and assigned it to a button, which he then pushed. The speakers played Nepeta's meow once. Then Dave set about constructing a light beat. "You ever heard anyone rap?" he asked as the beat looped.

"I think Tavros showed me some of his slam poetry once. Does that count?"

"Oh _hell_ no." The mix was somewhat subdued as it pulsed through the speakers. "About time you learned what real rap sounds like."

youre a beast primed to maim im a kid with some loud tricks  
smoothin over your brain like i was brushin down cowlicks  
i must be insane i wouldnt normally allow this  
but you asked for it by name so heres a motherfuckin meow mix 

Dave let the bass drop as he started actively mixing Nepeta's sample into the beat. She sat by enraptured as he put his skills on display. The entire dream bubble seemed to vibrate with light and color in time with the mix. After a rousing finale, Nepeta greeted Dave to a standing ovation.

"That was wonderful!" she grinned. Her eye caught a pair of shades. "Are those your shades?"

Dave saw what she was looking at. "Yeah. They're just like my Bro's. I wore those before John got me these for my birthday."

Nepeta picked the pointy shades up. "I think they're purretty cool."

"Well they are, but not for the reasons you think. You see, my Bro and I wore those because they're from anime. They're inherently uncool, but we wear them anyway which makes them cool again."

She put on the shades. "I'm Dave," she spoke with an affected drawl, "I think that cool things are uncool and that uncool things are ironic."

Dave almost blushed. "Oh my god are you roleplaying me?"

Nepeta nodded. "I make mix beats and beat mixes and wear shades and purrtend I'm not a huge dork!"

 _Two can play at this game._ "Oh hey looks like I'm Nepeta now. I'm all hyper and shit and apparently like RPing unironically. Whoops I mean appurrently since I like cats now. You should scratch my belly or something, I command it." 

The shades Nepeta were wearing had been swapped for unfamiliar, cracked ones. "RAWR, HULKING BRUTE NO OBEY COMMAND, TOO STRONG FOR TOUCHY CUDDLY stuff...purr...usual." Dave saw the room start to flicker in the same way it did before. He then felt something appear on his head. Taking it off, he realized it was the same blue cat hood Nepeta was just wearing.

"Uh, Nepeta...what's going on?"

She looked away from him. "It's...it's nothing." The flickering stopped as she turned to the door and left the room.

Dave chased her into the kitchen. "You alright?" She was standing near the smuppet pile.

"I'm feline just fine." Nepeta still wouldn't look at him. 

He absentmindedly took a seat on the pile. "You sure?" Aradia's words echoed in his head. _She needs a friend._ "Because if you want to talk about anything I'm all ears."

A muted voice responded, "You mean a...feelings jam?"

"Uh, if you want to call it that then sure." She turned to him, eyes watering. "What's wrong? This is kind of freaking me out."

Her lip trembled as she choked out her words. "I'm sorry, I just...got reminded of my meowrail and..." She trailed off and wiped her face with her sleeve. "I GOTTA GO NOW!" 

Dave watched as Nepeta scurried out of the door, leaving him. Sitting on a pile of what were now robots, he looked at the hood he still held in his hands. 

_Welp._


	4. Chapter 4

adiosToreador[AT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
AT: oKAYYYY, mY BROMO SAPIEN,   
AT: r U READY,   
AT: tO GET STRAIGHT IN, FLAT DOWN, BROAD SIDE, SCHOOL FED UP THE BONE BULGE,   
AT: bY A DOPE SMACKED, TRINKED OUT, SMOTHER FUDGING,   
AT: tROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL,   
TG: dont care   
AT: oK, lET ME,   
AT: oRGANIZE MY NOTES HERE,   
TG: no i seriously dont care   
TG: i have no desire whatsoever to continue this shitty conversation weve already had   
TG: which consisted mainly of you wiping your awful rap all over my screen like some wax on wax off karate kid   
TG: whoops grasshopper you missed a fucking spot   
AT: oH, oKAY, sORRY, }:(   
AT: i WAS HOPING TO MAYBE, eXPERIENCE THAT AGAIN,   
TG: tough apparently vestigial alien titties tavros   
TG: besides ive let you embarress yourself like this ten times already   
TG: was your life seriously shitty enough to make that one rap the highlight of your existence   
AT: wELL, iT WAS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE, mORE, uH,   
AT: pLEASANT MEMORIES,   
AT: bUT THERE ARE TWO OR THREE OTHERS THAT ARE JUST AS GOOD, mAYBE BETTER,   
AT: i COULD RELIVE THOSE, iNSTEAD, iF YOU PREFER,   
TG: thats   
TG: actually kind of pathetic   
TG: but to get to the reason i wanted to talk to you   
TG: sigh...cant believe im actually saying this   
TG: i need some advice   
AT: rEALLY,   
AT: yOU NEED ADVICE, fROM ME,   
TG: youre the closest troll who isnt involved so yeah   
TG: or whatever the fuck close even means in these goddamn bubbles   
AT: i DON'T QUITE HAVE THE HANG OF THE VERNACULAR YET, eITHER,   
AT: bUT, i'M ALL AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS, sO FIRE AWAY,   
AT: wITH YOUR SITUATION, tHAT IS,   
TG: okay so i was talking to a troll   
TG: just a normal ass conversation between two sensible people   
TG: then she up and started crying about morales or something and ran away   
TG: and i want to know what i said that triggered that shit so future conversations can run smoothly   
AT: hMM,   
AT: wHEN YOU SAID MORALES, dO YOU THINK YOU MEANT,   
AT: mOIRAILS,   
TG: i think so   
TG: goddammit   
TG: this has something to do with that fuckin quadrant horseshit doesnt it   
AT: tHIS APPEARS TO HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH, uH, tHAT HOOFBEASTSHIT,   
AT: aS MOIRALLEGIANCE IS, iN FACT, oNE OF THE QUADRANTS,   
TG: look   
TG: i dont want this to turn into a crosscultural afterschool special like   
TG: foursquare of the heart: troll romance for todays troubled teens   
TG: with bad writing worse acting and unironic 80s music   
TG: that kind of shit can only ever end in tears   
TG: so for the love of gog please limit yourself to the relevant info   
AT: gOT IT,   
TG: for starters remind me what a moirail is   
AT: wELL, iNFORMALLY,   
AT: iT'S A PERSON THAT KEEPS ANOTHER PERSON'S SHIT TOGETHER, aND PACIFIES THEM, sO THAT THEY CAN BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN THEIR OTHER ROMANTIC PURSUITS,   
TG: kay but i still dont see what that has to do with my situation   
AT: mE NEITHER,   
AT: wHAT DID YOU SAY RIGHT BEFORE SHE GOT UPSET,   
AT: pERHAPS THAT WILL PROVIDE THE NEEDED CONTEXT,   
TG: i was just asking her if she wanted to talk about what had happened that day   
TG: see if she wanted someone to talk to about emotions and shit   
TG: i think she said something about a feelings jam???   
TG: so i rolled with it and said yeah lets jam this bitch out   
TG: feelstyle   
TG: thats when she flipped   
AT: oHHHHHHH,   
TG: what   
AT: hOW SHOULD I PUT THIS,   
AT: fEELINGS JAMS ARE A COMMON RITUAL BETWEEN MOIRAILS,   
AT: tO JAM ABOUT FEELINGS IS TANTAMOUNT TO, uH, cONSUMMATING A PALE RELATIONSHIP,   
TG: fuck   
TG: really   
AT: yES, BUT SIMPLY PROPOSING ONE SHOULDN'T HAVE SET ANYONE OFF, rEALLY,   
AT: uNLESS,   
AT: dID YOU HAPPEN TO BE IN THE VICINITY OF ANY PILES, oF WHATEVER OBJECT, bY ANY CHANCE,   
TG: how did you   
TG: i was sitting on a pile of my bros puppets   
AT: i SEE,   
AT: tHAT WOULD MAKE MATTERS MORE SERIOUS, yOU REALLY OUGHT TO MENTION THIS SORT OF THING,   
AT: yOU SEE, pILES ARE TRADITIONALLY ASSOCIATED WITH FEELINGS JAMS,   
AT: aND ARE THE LOCATION AT WHICH THEY ARE COMMONLY HELD,   
AT: tHUS MAKING YOUR REQUEST FOR A JAM MORE IMPERATIVE, aND FORCEFUL, sINCE YOU WERE SEATED ON ONE,   
TG: shit   
TG: and you all treat these pale relationships just as seriously as romantic ones   
AT: tECHNICALLY SPEAKING, rELATIONSHIPS IN ALL FOUR QUADRANTS ARE "ROMANTIC" ONES,   
AT: bUT YES, tHEY ARE ALL ON FAIRLY EQUAL FOOTING AS FAR AS SERIOUSNESS ABOUT THEM IS CONCERNED,   
TG: so i seriously fucked up then   
AT: i AM AFRAID, tHAT THE ANSWER, tO THAT QUESTION, iS,   
AT: yES,   
AT: aND, iF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING,   
AT: wHO WERE YOU, uH, uNINTENTIONALLY PALE-FLIRTING WITH,   
TG: it was nepeta   
AT: oH DEAR,   
TG: is that bad   
TG: dont tell me i fucked up even worse than i thought i did   
AT: iT'S JUST THAT,   
AT: nEPETA IS TAKEN, wITH RESPECT TO THAT QUADRANT,   
AT: oR WAS, wHEN SHE WAS ALIVE,   
AT: aS I RECALL, sHE AND EQUIUS WERE ABOUT AS PALE AS PALE COULD BE,   
AT: i DON'T KNOW IT IS THE SAME WITH HUMANS, bUT WITH US,   
AT: hAVING MORE THAN ONE MOIRAIL, lIKE HAVING MULTIPLE MATESPRITS OR KISMESISSES,   
AT: iS A KIND OF INFIDELITY, aND IS GENERALLY FROWNED UPON,   
AT: wHICH WOULD TURN YOUR REQUEST FOR A FEELINGS JAM INTO A REQUEST FOR A PALE AFFAIR,   
TG: so youre saying what i did   
TG: was the equivalent of playing some barry white music then crawling into a heart shaped bed while naked and whispering 'my body is ready' to a girl who already has a long term boyfriend   
AT: uHHHHHHHH,   
AT: bASED ON MY LIMITED KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR DRY, fLAT, hUMAN RECUPERACOONS, aND ALSO OF YOUR DEEP-VOICED MAN SONGS,   
AT: i WOULD DEEM THAT ANALOGY AS ACCURATE, hOWEVER,   
AT: i SUSPECT YOU MAY BE EXAGGERATING, bECAUSE,   
AT: i DON'T THINK NEPETA WOULD HAVE REACTED, iN SUCH A WAY AS YOU CLAIMED, eVEN IF YOU WERE AS BRAZEN AS YOU SAY YOU WERE,   
AT: sHE WOULD HAVE BEEN FLUSTERED, mAYBE, bUT SHE WOULD HAVE JUST POLITELY DECLINED,   
TG: you mean pawlitely   
AT: i SUPPOSE I DO, mEAN THAT,   
AT: aNYWAY, iF YOU WANT TO REMEDY THIS SITUATION, tRY JUST TALKING TO HER ABOUT IT, bECAUSE I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOME AGGRAVATING CIRCUMSTANCES, aT WORK,   
TG: she must think im such an asshole   
AT: oF ALL THE TROLLS I KNOW, sHE WOULD BE THE LEAST LIKELY TO CONSIDER ANYONE AN ASSHOLE,   
AT: iN FACT, iN ALL OF OUR CORRESPONDANCE, i CAN ONLY RECALL ONE TROLL SHE VIEWED IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT,   
TG: and who might that be   
AT: hIS NAME WAS ERIDAN,   
TG: what did he do kill somebody   
AT: nOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE,   
AT: wELL, aCTUALLY HE DID DO PLENTY OF KILLINGS,   
AT: jUST OF LUSUSES, nOT TROLLS,   
AT: sTILL, nOT ANYBODY IMPORTANT, eXACTLY,   
AT: aLTHOUGH EACH WAS SURELY IMPORTANT TO SOMEONE, nONE WERE IMPORTANT TO HER, aT LEAST NOT SIGNIFICANTLY SO,   
AT: aND THE KILLINGS WERE NECESSARY TO PREVENT THE DEATH OF OUR ENTIRE RACE, nOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,   
AT: nOT THAT THAT MAKES IT RIGHT,   
TG: tavros   
TG: please   
TG: relevant shit only   
AT: oH, sORRY,   
AT: mY POINT WAS THAT SHE DIDN'T DISLIKE HIM FOR MURDERING, nOT SOLELY, aT LEAST,   
TG: then what   
TG: what can a guy do thats terrible enough that itll get him on nepetas bad side   
AT: i'M NOT PRIVY TO ALL THE DETAILS, aBOUT IT, bUT, wHAT HE DID WAS,   
AT: hE MADE AN UNWANTED ROMANTIC OVERTURE TOWARDS HER,   
TG: ...   
TG: you are so fucking comforting tavros   
TG: i am simply drowning in the downy soft comfort of fucking emotional stability right now   
TG: bounce a coin off that comfort its not going anywhere   
TG: itll just take a nap right there confident in the fact that it hasnt irrevocably fucked up any fledging interpersonal relationships   
AT: tHANK YOU,   
TG: im off to go salvage the wreckage of a broken friendship   
TG: so if you need me for anything you can go fuck yourself   
AT: wOW, uH, dOES THIS MEAN YOU WEREN'T SINCERE, jUST NOW,   
TG: just   
TG: thanks   
TG: thanks for helping me sort this shit out   
AT: yOU ARE WELCOME, i THINK, aND GOOD LUCK,   
TG: i think i ran out of luck when i lost a coin flip and wound up dead   
TG: but thanks anyway i guess   
adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]


	5. Chapter 5

Dave had a plan.

Not a plan for finding Nepeta. Or if he did, it mainly consisted of wandering the bubble looking for some sort of a cave. Not a plan for apologizing, either. He figured he would just throw himself on the mercy of the troll he had slighted and hope she would forgive him. Nor did he have any plan for what to do if she did. Or even one for what to do if she didn't. 

Okay, so maybe Dave didn't really have a plan.

After wandering for a while he stumbled upon a cave. He drifted inside. Nepeta was there, and as soon as she saw him she ran up to him, grinning.

"Hey Dave!"

 _Well that was fast._ "Hey there," Dave said. "I came to apologize about earlier." 

"It's no purroblem, really," she replied. "You were just reminding me about a good furiend of mine."

Dave was still uneasy about being forgiven so easily. "Is that really all? You seemed upset about something."

Nepeta looked unsure for a second. "I guess I was a little. But it was mostly at myself!"

"Wait, what?" He narrowed his gaze.

"Well, it's a little complickated. I furget about him sometimes and I feel guilty whenefur I do." She put on a smile. "But then I just relive a few memeowries with him and that makes me feel a lot better."

Dave looked around nervously. "He's not here or anything, right?"

Nepeta shook her head. "No, I haven't actually met any version of him yet." 

"Wait, then how do you relive memories with him?" he asked.

"My mind projects a version of him to enact them should I choose to think of them." Dave looked at her like she just told him that she drinks Draino to keep the zombie Prussians at bay. "It's sounds a little fureaky, but Aradia says it's purrfectly normal!"

"If you say so." Dave tried to recall if Aradia ever mention anything about ghostly mind projections. "So you're not upset that I solicited you for a feelings jam? Which I had no idea was like some weird troll version of sex, I swear."

Nepeta giggled. "Teehee, of course not! Jade told me all about how humans don't treat pale relationships the same way we do. So I knew you didn't mean anything by it."

 _Whew._ "So we're cool, then?"

"We sure are!" Nepeta gasped as if she thought of something. "Hey! Since you're here then I can show you my hive!"

"Sweet."

She took Dave through the cave and answered his questions about her interests. Unfortunately, cultural differences made such questions difficult to answer. 

"Holy FUCK that's a lot of blood." Dave looked at the dead animals on the floor. "You're telling me you killed these things on your own?"

"Pounce helped me with the bigger ones, but mostly by myself, yes." 

Dave tried to visualize such a nice girl mercilessly slaying a beast big enough to leave a pelt that size. He failed miserably. "I don't understand."

"What's to understand? I prowl the wilderness for GREAT BEASTS, and stalk them and take them down with nothing but my SHARP CLAWS AND TEETH!"

"Yeah...I still can't see that happening."

Nepeta equipped her claws. "Purrhaps you'd like to see a demonstration?"

"Oh god no please put those things away." _This girl is fucking terrifying,_ Dave thought. To distract himself from the images he wished he wasn't suddenly able to visualize, he looked to the cave's walls. "I didn't know you drew comics."

"Yeah! Mostly tails of the hunt. There's a few of my friends, though." Dave admired the work. Though he thought drawing skills were overrated, it was still clear that Nepeta was decent enough at drawing.

"Uh, just curious here...what exactly did you paint these with?" he asked.

"Mostly soot and ash." _Whew, maybe Aradia was bullshitting me about troll paint._ "Except the red," Nepeta continued. "That's blood drained furom the bodies of slain furocious beasts."

"Fffffffffffffffuck that's morbid." He continued to a wall adorned with diamonds and hearts and inquired as to what it was. 

"That's my shipping wall!" Nepeta spoke proudly. Dave looked at the little drawings of trolls with hearts between them. His eyes drifted to one labeled "oh yessssss!"

"Well what do we have here?" he teased. "Whatever could that Nepeta want to do to that unsuspecting Karkat?"

"Oh no!" she cried. "I furgot that was still there!"

"Its aight," he reassured. "Kind of cute actually. I'm guessing that explains why you were stalking him and Terezi."

Nepeta lowered her gaze. "Yeah..."

"Well." Dave walked over to her. "What were you planning on doing about it?"

She looked puzzled. "Doing about it?"

He slipped his hands into his pockets. "No sense in just watching them you know. Didn't you say you were the rogue of heart or something? Can't you just steal his heart?"

"No! I could nefur do something like that!" Nepeta protested. "Besides, I'd need to be a thief of heart to have those kinds of pawers."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Not really! I'd rather be a dashing rogue than a mean old thief." Dave could tell this was something she was passionate about. "Even if I could steal Karkat's heart I wouldn't want to. I want him to be truly happy. If he's happier with Terezi than with me then I'd rather he be with her."

Dave considered her logic for a moment. "What if, he posited, "Terezi were happier with someone else than with Karkat?"

"What do you mean?" 

"Well if she would rather be with..." He paused. "Oh, I don't know...me. What then?"

Nepeta gasped as her eyes widened. _Oh lord, she's got her shipping goggles on now._ "You like Terezi, don't you! No wonder you were so eager to join me in stalking them." Any protestations he had were drowned in the current of shipping gushing from Nepeta's mouth. "You two would be so CUTE together! I didn't really think about it much before but now that I do I think you guys could work I mean her favorite color is red and you've got that red suit and you could rap to her ironically or something and she would purrobably let you think that she thinks you're cool and uhhhh! TOO PURRFECT!"

Dave straightened his shades. "You done? Cause if you are, I've got a proposition."

She blushed. "I think I'm done."

"Kay, good." _When she gets going, she gets the fuck GOING._ "What do you say we break those two up?"

Nepeta scrunched her nose as she considered it. "I don't know...I'd need to see if their relationship is working or not. I can only justify splitting them up if they aren't happy together."

Dave shook his head. "You mean more fucking stalking, don't you?"

She nodded. "If you're up for it, you are furee to join me." she said, reaching out her hand. "Pawrtners?"

Dave grabbed her hand and shook. "I could think of a worse hell than having to spend some more time with you," he quipped.

For the first time since he died, Dave knew what he was getting himself into.

Or so he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This conversation begins at http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004936

TT: Each of us seems to have a troll infatuated with helping us. Haven't you noticed?    
TG: no    
TT: What about the psychopath who's currently helping you?    
TG: oh yeah terezi    
TG: no shes cool    
TT: Isn't that camaraderie blossoming into some sort of interspecies whatever?    
TG: i fucking wish    
TT: It seems the conversation has already diverged from its original course.    
TG: what do you mean already shit took ten goddamn pages    
TG: and isnt this supposed to be a big fucking revelation for you or something    
TG: like you realizing youre dead or asleep or both or whatever    
TT: I was under the impression that you were the one in need of such a revelation.    
TT: The fact that I was willing to play along through this entire conversation in order to ease your hypothetical adjustment to your new environment is a testament to my patience.    
TG: its a testament to pointlessness because we apparently both knew this was just a memory the whole time    
TG: so which rose are you    
TT: With respect to the timeline, I would be deemed the "Alpha" Rose.    
TG: good for you    
TG: thats more than i can say for myself    
TT: Which Dave would you happen to be?    
TG: oh wait let me just check my fucking serial number for you    
TG: thats right doomed dave number forty one at your service    
TG: how can i serve the mistress this fine evening    
TT: Pinch me, I must be dreaming!    
TT: Such poise, such grace!    
TT: I feel as if I were on Butler Island itself!    
TG: haha    
TG: jk that was a terrible joke    
TT: I will continue my jocularity of dubious quality as long as you refrain from answering my question.    
TG: what does it matter to you which dead dave i am    
TT: I was simply curious about whether you were the Dave who met his demise near his quest bed after a fatal coin flip.    
TG: how    
TG: the fuck    
TG: did you know    
TT: Lucky guess. Though I will have to admit the Seer powers may have had something to do with it.    
TG: seer powers huh    
TG: you didnt have those before i died so    
TG: how far in the future are you from anyway    
TT: The reckoning was nearly two years ago today.    
TG: hopy shit    
TG: so the mission was a success then    
TG: you blew up the green sun and escaped the scratch    
TT: We were indeed successful in leaving our session, though I won't subject you to the details.    
TT: I am currently on a meteor in the furthest ring, along with the alpha timeline version of you and a handful of trolls.    
TT: I am glad to finally get a chance to talk to such a celebrity as yourself.    
TG: a celebrity    
TT: You, this particular instance of dead Dave, have been the talk of the meteor for the past few weeks.    
TT: Even Karkat has been complaining about you.    
TG: thats not even close to an accomplishment    
TG: that prick could find something to fault in gandhi    
TG: like HEY ASSHOLE NICE RIBCAGE GO CHOKE ON A FUCK    
TG: but seriously how do you even know anything about me    
TT: I have my sources.    
TT: I take it I'm the first one from the meteor you have spoken to?    
TG: yeah    
TT: Then I shouldn't spoil the surprise.    
TT: It appears there may be some temporal mechanics at work here.    
TG: time shit got it    
TG: later i talk to someone but its earlier for them    
TG: because bubbles    
TT: Precisely.    
TG: see i still got this aspect more down pat than an extra chromosomed sajak    
TG: and i aint even god tier    
TG: it sounds like you are though    
TT: Correct.    
TT: Alpha Dave and I both reached it around the time of the reckoning's end.    
TG: youre shitting me    
TT: I am afraid you are not the subject of any defecation on my part.    
TG: you dont understand    
TG: the whole reason i died is because i kept asking terezi to show me what it takes to make god tier    
TG: the point of my death was to show alpha me that he/i was never going to make it    
TG: and then that asshole went and made it anyway    
TT: As eager as I am to hear you call yourself out so candidly, I must admit that "that asshole" certainly earned it.    
TG: still kinda pissed i died pointlessly    
TG: but go alpha me that guy is rad    
TG: how is he by the way    
TT: He's keeping himself entertained.    
TT: Much to Karkat's chagrin, you spend most of your time with Terezi.    
TG: lucky motherfucker    
TG: forget what i said earlier alpha dave blows    
TT: I'm flattered Dave, really, but you need not throw such good material in my direction so unabashedly.    
TT: I have plenty to analyze as it is.    
TG: whatever    
TG: but he honestly gets living AND terezi and i get jack shit    
TG: all because of a coin flip that ended up demonstrating fuckall since he got god tier anyway    
TT: As a seer of light and, through an admittedly liberal extension of the word, a seer of fortune,    
TT: I will have to disagree with the implication that your various selves' disparate circumstances owe anything to luck.    
TT: Besides, is it truly so terrible in your position?    
TT: Surely a dead Terezi exists with whom you may cavort freely?    
TG: its more complicated than that    
TG: i found a terezi but she died before the trolls found out about us    
TG: at first i thought it was a good thing    
TG: seeing as how this means she wouldnt really be responsible for killing me    
TG: or john for that matter    
TG: so there wouldnt be any regret or remorse lingering    
TG: but she spends all her time with dead karkat and he keeps cockblocking me with all his bullshit so she cant even get to know me    
TT: Forgive me, but it seems you don't have the purest motives at heart.    
TG: bullshit im trying to extend an interspecies olive branch here and that asshole keeps swatting at it like hes playing whackamole    
TT: Mixed metaphors aside, your earlier use of the term "cockblocking" does suggest a certain level of desired physical intimacy.    
TG: what    
TG: no    
TG: i just    
TG: i just want things to go back to the way they were between us    
TG: chatting each other up and exchanging shitty comics    
TG: and if terezi is ever like hey coolkid mind if i taste the inside of your mouth    
TG: who would i be to deny her that    
TT: For one, you'd be a gentleman.    
TT: I must admit, I was hoping you had a plan for your situation that extended beyond complaining to your ecto-sister.    
TG: of course i have a plan how dare you imply dave is anything but a guy with a plan    
TG: i met a troll girl whos kinda crazy and also a cat????    
TG: her names nepeta    
TG: shes hero of heart so she can obviously see that terezi deserves better than karkat    
TG: so we came up with a plan    
TG: were going to join furces and break them up    
TG: like a reverse parent trap sort of thing    
TG: then ill have terezi to myself and nepeta can scoop up karkat    
TT: Excuse me, but "Furces"?    
TG: shit i mean forces    
TT: No, it's cute.    
TT: You must be spending a lot of time with her for her to taint your normally impeccable spelling prowess.    
TG: well obviously weve been hanging out near constantly for the past whatever counts for a month when youre dead    
TG: shes got these weird ass morals about things of the heart    
TG: and we cant put our plan into motion until she thinks its time    
TG: so we have to iron out the kinks like a repressed housewife    
TG: and do a bunch of snooping and shit    
TG: you might not expect this rose but our plans are deep    
TT: Is that so?    
TT: Just how deep are these plans?    
TG: deeper than the fucking marinara trench    
TG: see theres all these practical/tactical reasons we have to work together too    
TG: terezi and karkat only hang out in troll places    
TG: i cant damn well follow them alone and nepeta knows the lay of the land so she leads me whenever were tracking them    
TG: plans like ours are delicate like a goddamn flower and require a lot of time to enact successfully    
TG: fur example    
TG: FOR example    
TG: we have to trust each other not to give away our positions when doing recon    
TG: so we stay close to each other so we can whisper without blowing our cover    
TG: that kind of trust and teamwork doesnt just happen overnight rose    
TT: True.    
TT: It does make me wonder if you truly want your plans to succeed, though.    
TG: not more of this psychoanalysis bullshit    
TG: we get it rose my superego or whatever wants to bone my mom    
TG: were all blown away by this stunning revelation    
TG: somewhere a shit director with a hard to spell name is saying what a twist    
TG: and hes goddamn right    
TT: It's your id that would want to do that, but I digress.    
TT: Allow me to rephrase in a way you might maintain interest in:    
TT: You and Terezi are really boring together.    
TG: bs    
TG: youre bluffing    
TT: It's all so quaint.    
TT: The way you and she just laze about the meteor drawing with chalk and playing with cans is rather cute.    
TT: However, it's simply too tame for my tastes.    
TT: Surely you want something more...    
TT: Wild?    
TT: Feral, perhaps?    
TG: what are you implying    
TT: It is not my intention to imply anything.    
TT: I am making a simple observation that you have spent a lot of time with Nepeta.    
TG: your point being    
TT: You have authored a plan that involves spending even more time with her.    
TT: No less, often in such high tension situations that you likely associate a quickened pulse and heightened sensory awareness with close physical proximity to her.    
TG: still not getting it    
TT: You have also developed a decent amount of mutual trust.    
TT: Mutual trust is a requisite to permit the foundation of a succesful romantic relationship.    
TG: whoa wait rose are you saying that i    
TT: You have admitted that she leads you about on your missions.    
TT: Assuming she hunts with the posture of a poaching cat, that would leave you with an excellent view of what I've heard are generous assets.    
TG: hot damn rose i got it the last time    
TG: saying i want DAT ASS is just pushing the point    
TT: I know.    
TT: All I'm saying is that I would understand if you developed amorous feelings under such circumstances.    
TG: but    
TG: that doesnt make any fucking sense    
TG: the only reason nepeta is playing along is because she has a crush on karkat    
TG: if i liked her like that why would i sabotage my chances by helping her find someone else to sink her claws into    
TT: So you are fine with her being matesprits with Karkat?    
TG: if she would rather be with a petty control freak shes barely talked to with anger management purroblems who doesnt reciprocate or give a damn about her f33lings and would only condescend to humor her affections if things went sour with Terezi    
TG: than a cool guy that finally found someone he can drop the pretentious act around beclaws she s33s and accepts the real him no matter how hard he tries to hide it and who only wants her to be happy beclaws her smile lights up his day like the olive gr33n fucking sun even though hes too afuraid to efur admit it even to himself    
TG: then thats her fucking choice    
TT: ...    
TG: ...    
TG: holy shit    
TG: did i just type all that    
TT: Yes.    
TG: of my own volition    
TT: Yes.    
TG: so i really    
TT: Yes.    
TG: ...    
TG: im a fucking idiot arent i    
TT: Don't be so hard on yourself.    
TT: Yes you are, but still.    
TT: Don't be so hard on yourself.    
TG: so    
TG: what now    
TT: In theory, immediate candor is the best policy.    
TT: If you get rejected, you have the moral high ground of not having been dishonest.    
TT: Otherwise, you get what you both wanted much quicker than by any other strategy.    
TG: i guess that makes sense    
TT: However, I know you, Dave.    
TT: I know myself.    
TT: I know your Bro and I know my Mom.    
TT: And not a single person in our family can be straightforward about anything.    
TG: i never thought about it that way    
TG: being cagey and doing everything ass backwards is practically in our dna isnt it    
TT: Indeed.    
TT: Our genetics are positively delirious.    
TG: what do i do then    
TT: You have many faults, Dave.    
TT: But one thing every iteration of you has proven is that Dave Strider always does what he knows is right.    
TT: It may be both cliche and a terrible pun, but my honest advice is that you follow your heart.    
TG: so    
TG: wing it then    
TT: Basically, yes.    
TG: awesome advice rose    
TG: gotta go now    
TG: i keep pretty busy hours what with the whole living a lie thing    
TT: Heavy is the crown.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--


	7. Chapter 7

_Maybe Rose is wrong._

The thought comforted Dave. After all, who was Rose to decide who Dave was in love with? Nepeta for one definitely would've noticed by now. _Right?_ So it was that he managed to assuage the feelings rising in the pit of his stomach. The same feelings his Bro always said would make him weak. He managed to rationalize them away right up to the day of the final mission.

"You're for real this time? This is it? The final mission?"

"I am indeed fur real." Nepeta confirmed.

Dave crossed his arms. "So we're finally going to stop stalking Karkat and Terezi then?"

She smiled. "Yep!"

"And you're going to actually fucking tell him?"

The smile faltered. "Yeah...I'm gonna talk to him...at all..."

"Listen Coolcat," he said as he put a hand to her shoulder. "It really isn't that tough. I mean, Karkat's fucking insufferable, so I guess it's a little hard to talk to him without wanting to punch him in the goddamn face..." Nepeta punched his arm kiddingly. "But you are somehow immune to that feeling, so it's gonna be a piece of cake."

"I don't know...I still feel so furvous."

"Furvous." Dave echoed. "That one's a stretch even by your standards."

"Yeah, I guess it was," she admitted. "But you still knew what I meant, and you should be more supportive! I really am on puns and needles right now."

Dave decided to just let that one slide. "Well, just tell me what I can do to help and I'll do it."

"Well..." Nepeta said, deviously grinning, "You could roleplay fur me."

"What, no," he scoffed. "Is that seriously your answer for everything?"

"Please?" she whimpered. _She's a cat she shouldn't be fucking allowed to use puppy dog eyes._

He sighed. "Alright. Who do you want me to roleplay?"

"Karkat!"

"Good one," Dave chuckled. "You had me going there for a sec."

He was answered with silence, save for the ambient noise of the Land of Thought and Flow.

"Oh shit you were serious."

Nepeta nodded. "I really think it'll help me calm down," she said. "I need the purractice!"

_Where is she going with this?_ "Fine," he groaned, holding up his hand. "Just gimme a minute to get into character."

Dave took a few deep breaths and began making exaggerated angry eyebrows. He imitated an opera singer warming up his voice, launching into a series of arpeggiated "FUCK"s in a faux baritone. Nepeta giggled hysterically through the whole ordeal and was nearly rolling on the ground by the time Dave said he was ready. 

"'Kay, let's do this shit. What's the scenario, coolcat?" 

"I'm Nepeta and you're Karkat," she detailed, framing the scene with her hands. "You just had a falling out with Terezi who left with some lame human in shades." She moved her hand-frame over to where Dave was and stuck her tongue in the corner of her mouth as if she didn't like what she saw. "This is your furst time meeting me since you died and--Aah, got it." She stepped towards him and held out her hand. "Give 'em up."

"What the fuck are you talking about."

"The shades! Karkat doesn't wear shades." Ignoring his "uhhh," Nepeta snatched the sunglasses off of Dave's face. His eyes were completely white, as was to be expected, but he was still anxious about letting people see them: Dave felt completely naked. She pocketed the shades and stepped back before asking him if he was ready to start. 

"As I'll ever be," he shrugged. 

The troll girl got into position and sauntered over to him. "Hey Karkitty!"

"Uh, hey there Nepeta," He said gruffly. "Been a fucking while. How've you been? Other than dead obviously."

"I've been just PURRfect! How about you?" Nepeta stepped closer.

"I've been a whole lot fucking better, that's for fucking sure," he muttered, crossing his arms. 

"Aww. What's wrong?"

"It's Terezi. She's making me grumpy as shit right now, you have no idea."

Nepeta did a fairly convincing job of acting shocked. "What catpunned? You two seemed to be getting along okay."

"Exactly! I thought things were fucking dandy between us. I can't believe she went and fucking kil--" Dave cleared his throat. _Gotta remember I'm supposed to be Karkat._ "Went and cut me off like that. Uh, grumble, grumble, grub fucking wiggler bullshit."

"Well, did you like her?"

He moved his hands to his pockets. "Shit. I guess? I like the way things were between us. We were good ass friends and she threw that all away."

Nepeta giggled. "No silly, I meant were you flushed fur her!"

Dave looked to the side. "I knew that, it's just...I don't fucking know anymore. I thought I was. I used to think that all I wanted in the fucking world was to be with Terezi forever. Now I'm not so sure I ever really wanted that."

She pretended to look briefly puzzled. "Whatefur could you mean?"

"To start with, she's a fucking maniac. She's crazy and shithive and a bunch of other fucking adjectives and I honestly don't want anything to do with her anymore."

"Well..." said Nepeta, doing her best to look even cuter than usual, "have you considered anyone else fur that quadrant?"

Dave was going to respond how he thought Karkat would've responded, but then he looked at Nepeta. There was no way he could stand to tell that face anything other than what she wanted to hear. "Actually, I have."

"Really? Who were you considering?"

"You, Nepeta." He took her calloused hands in his. Karkat's words began to fade away from Dave's speech in layers as he spoke from the heart for what seemed like the first time. "I realized I've been chasing after the wrong fucking troll all this time. I don't even fucking know what I saw in Terezi and I don't care, either. I may have had more history with her than with you, but I'm ready to change that shit. You've been an awesome fucking friend to me," Dave choked, "and I want to take it a step further." 

"Are you saying what I think you're..." 

"You know what," he interrupted, dropping her hands, "Fuck it." Dave wiped his brow and swallowed dryly before taking a deep breath and looking her in the eyes. "I love you, Nepeta."

After a brief moment of what he guessed was shock, Nepeta launched a full force hug on Dave which quickly became a tackle as his legs went limp. The two landed on the ground, with Nepeta on top. Lying on his back, Dave froze as he felt the warmth coming off of her. His mind raced. _okay i admit it rose was right she was right and i dont fucking care because i just told nepeta how i felt and she hugged me and now she's lying on top of me and i dont ever want this sensation to stop and wait what the fuck why is the sensation stopping.  
_  
Nepeta stood, cheeks flushed with olive. "Oops. Uh, sorry, I got a little carried away. I guess I...furgot you weren't actually Karkat for a second? Heh. But thanks fur that. You were really into your role!" She effected a giggle. "You've been holding out on me; I nefur thought you could take RPing so...seriously!"  
 __  
Roleplaying.

_Fucking roleplaying._

_'Dave Strider' didn't just confess his feelings. 'Karkat Vantas' did. 'Dave Strider' did jack shit but make himself feel like a fucking idiot. So much for doing things the simple way. God fucking damnit why the hell does Rose always have to be right?_ He got to his feet and brushed himself off.

"If only it were that easy," Nepeta sighed.

Dave cringed. "Yeah..." he strained. "If only."

***

The two didn't talk for a few minutes after that. Dave spent his time trying to conceal the torrent of conflicting emotions set off by such an odd combination of acceptance and rejection. He was finding it harder to mask his feelings than it used to be. _Guess I'm out of practice.  
_  
Nepeta pensively watched the spot where Karkat and Terezi were soon to convene. She sneaked a few sideways glances at Dave before breaking the silence. "Uh, Dave, do you want your shades back?"

He looked at the sunglasses in her outstretched hand. He had completely forgotten that he wasn't wearing them. "No."

Nepeta looked confused. "Why not?"

"Well, I was only mainly wearing them because of my eye color, which is currently a non-fucking-issue. Or was it because of my Bro? Irony?" He gave a dismissive wave. "Whatever the reason was, that doesn't matter now. I just think I'm done with them. So many things have changed and--"

"Shhh, here they come!" she whispered. As if on cue, Karkat and Terezi entered Dave's view and met on a large platform. Nepeta got into her hiding spot and pulled Dave in close as she had done on every mission. They were all set to watch their prey and, when the time was right, to strike.

Terezi greeted Karkat. "Hey there, grumpybutt!"

"Will you stop fucking calling me that?" he replied, arms crossed.

"First you say I can't call you Karkles, then you shoot down every last nickname I think up to replace it! Just what am I supposed to call you then?"

"My fucking name," Karkat groaned. "That's what makes it my name. The fact that it's what anyone with a lobe stem that hasn't been cauterized is supposed to call me." He toned down the anger in his voice as he added, "Though there is something else I'd like you to call me."

Terezi raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Now whatever could that be?"

"I'm talking about you starting to call me your matesprit."  
 _  
Wait, what?  
_  
Karkat uncrossed his arms and continued. "I know we've been fighting a lot recently, but I think it's pretty clear we're headed for that quadrant eventually. I've been kind of an asshole to you at times, but I have to confess something. Ever since we died--longer than that even--I've been flushed for you. I've been flushing like a motherfucker this whole time, and I think you're in the same boat as me. That's why I've been so ornery about our whole relationship: we've been hanging around constantly and flirting with each other without even establishing beforehand that we were in a matespritship!"

Terezi stepped towards him as the sky pulsed with color. "Is the label really that important to you?"

"It sort of fucking is!" he blurted out. "It's been driving me batshit up the fucking belfry to be completely honest. I feel like I could lose you at any time, and I don't want that to happen. Anyway, that's my two caegars so feel free to drop my like a sack of fucking starchtubers at my offer."

"I could never do that!" Terezi closed the distance between her and Karkat. "Listen, if making it official is really that important to you, then I'll accept. Just know that, label or no label, I'm never going to leave you." Her mouth was at his ear as she added in a low voice, "You're simply too much fun to mess with."

Karkat's pupils dilated as he stuttered, "S-speaking of, uh, messing and fun...do you think we could...you know..." He gave a complex, indecipherable hand signal.

Terezi feigned confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Karkat!"

"Goddamnit Terezi, you know what I fucking mean." He made the same series of gestures with his arms, but she only shrugged in response. "Ugh. Fine, I'll show you." A hot air balloon suddenly appeared next to them as objects from memories are wont to do. 

"Oh my!" Terezi said, putting a hand to her mouth. "Aren't we feeling lewd today?" 

"Come on. I know for a fact you enjoyed this as much as I did." He stepped into the balloon's basket, which was strikingly similar to a bucket. 

She moved to join him, stalling just outside of the basket. "You're really fixated on this particular event, aren't you?"

Karkat sighed. "It's sort of the basis of our entire fucking relationship, so...I guess?"

"It's just that we've relived this one like ten times already." She stepped into the basket.

"I don't see you complaining," Karkat bluntly stated, closing the hot air balloon's gate. "And for your information, we've only done this nine times so far."

Watching the proceedings from the hiding place, Dave was taken aback. The whole encounter went in a completely different direction than he and Nepeta were predicting. "Nine times? How have we missed seeing this before?" Dave whispered to her. "Must be one good fucking memory." 

He waited for a response and none came. Nepeta simply watched as Karkat and Terezi rose off into the sky together. She then looked down, dejected. 

Dave reconsidered his choice of words. "Whoa, I didn't mean like, literally or anything."

"It's no big deal," Nepeta droned. "As long as he's happy with her, that's all that matters." 

She sat down and pulled her legs into her chest, curling into a ball. "Someone told me something when I was alive. They said that I needed to die in order to be with him. Now I don't think that's efur going to happen." 

She bent her head down. "Maybe I really should just drop this silly infatuation once and fur all." Then she lifted her eyes to meet Dave's and asked him, "What do you think? Should I?"

This was it. This was the moment Dave had been waiting for since--he wasn't quite sure how long, but it had been long enough. Long enough for him to realize that the last thing he wanted was for Karkat to take Nepeta away from him and long enough for him to worry that this could be the last chance he gets to make sure that never happens. She could start getting over Karkat, and Dave could start trying to win her over. All he had to do was say "yes."

"No."

Nepeta said nothing, watching attentatively as the Knight of Time kneeled beside her. His words were quiet, but heavy, and his mind railed against every one. "This bubble is a big place." _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ "There are plenty of dead Karkats running around." _euuueeeuuugh._ "I'm sure we can find one for you." _Oh my god please just kill me._ "If you're still willing to look, I'm willing to help." _Hey Dave, STFU._ "There's no need to give up hope." _FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK._

A flash of concern crossed Nepeta's face. "But what about you? What about Terezi?"

"It's no big deal." Dave gulped. "As long as you're happy with him, that's all that matters." 

She gave him a half-hug and muffled her thanks into his shoulder. "You're a really good furiend, Dave. You know that?"

Dave winced as he lightly patted her on the back of the head. "Yeah. I know."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First pesterlog starts here: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=003546

TG: ok its me from the future   
EB: huh?   
TG: its me   
TG: i just appeared   
TG: from the future   
TG: wearing a rad suit   
TG: he says dont go   
TG: or youre gonna die   
EB: pfffff.   
EB: lame.   
EB: what kind of gullible stooge do you think i am?   
TG: he says i dunno gullible enough to trust a leetspeaking troll who wants you dead and strap on a rocket pack cause she said to   
TG: ...   
TG: holy shit   
TG: im hating on past me right about now   
TG: cause thats just too fucking ironic in retrospect   
EB: haha what?   
EB: this   
EB: isn't how this happened before????????   
EB: wait a second...   
TG: yes egbert were in a dreambubble right now   
EB: oh!   
EB: sorry about that dude.   
EB: usually i'm pretty good about figuring that out.   
TG: no sweat   
EB: but how's it been bro?   
EB: can you believe we haven't talked in like 2 years?   
EB: tell me all about your wacky adventures on the meteor!   
EB: has karkat driven you all crazy yet?   
TG: sorry john but youve got the wrong dave here   
EB: huh?   
TG: im a dave from an offshoot timeline   
EB: oh. so like davesprite then.   
EB: that's...kind of disappointing.   
EB: wait. are YOU davesprite?   
TG: no   
TG: just another dead dave offered up to the time god   
EB: that sucks.   
TG: nah its fine   
TG: all it means is i didnt get suckered into all that alpha timeline bullshit   
TG: pspace was all like hey wanna ensure the propagation of reality itself   
TG: and i said nope now if youll excuse me its time for me to die like a chump   
TG: cause im a rebel   
TG: im the kind of maverick john mccain wishes he couldve been   
TG: im saying im enough of a maverick to beat barack obama   
EB: at basketball?   
TG: hell yes john i could hoop way more basketshots than that graying out motherfucker   
TG: id sink rocks in the dunkhole from so far away id get two points instead of just one   
EB: hehe you havent changed at all man!   
TG: shucks buster no need to be throwing all these compliments at me like youre the quarterman and im your favorite wide retriever   
EB: that one was just sad honestly.   
TG: like sports even matter   
TG: they all died with the earth   
TG: and none of us dead assholes play any of them   
TG: do you even have enough alive people for two full rumblesquads   
EB: not every sport needs a bunch of people to play it.   
EB: tennis only needs two people.   
TG: youre seriously suggesting tennis   
TG: why the fuck would any of us want to play tennis thats the dumbest idea ive ever heard   
EB: well we've already burned through my whole game catalogue on the ship.   
TG: ship   
TG: what ship   
EB: you haven't heard yet?   
TG: no john i never got the memo on account of being fucking deceased   
EB: maybe you just haven't been asking the right questions, fuckass!   
TG: fuckass john   
TG: have you really been degraded that far   
EB: sorry. i guess hanging out with jade all these years has polluted my speech a bit.   
TG: so jades on the ship too   
EB: yeah. we escaped the scratch and now we're on a trip to the new session   
TG: cool   
TG: how is she by the way   
EB: shes good   
EB: she made godtier!   
EB: also shes a furry now   
TG: oh john   
TG: so sheltered   
TG: jade was always a furry   
EB: whoa, not that way! i mean she's actually part dog now.   
TG: like physically   
EB: yeah. it's mostly just the ears.   
TG: so she has dog ears now   
TG: are her human ears still there   
EB: uh...maybe?   
EB: i haven't actually checked under all that hair.   
TG: oh   
TG: any personality differences   
EB: yeah. she involuntarily hates cats now.   
EB: sort of like, instinctually i guess?   
TG: huh   
TG: whats she been up to gimme the scoop   
TG: inquiring minds want to goddamn know   
EB: not much really.   
EB: she's been hanging with davesprite a lot.   
TG: i thought he got stabbed and died   
EB: he got better.   
TG: totally fulfilling answer right there   
TG: definitely no further explanation needed   
TG: whatve they been doing anyway   
EB: man, i don't know.   
EB: to be honest i've been trying to let them have some alone time.   
EB: things have gotten pretty serious between him and jade.   
EB: and i hate feeling like a third wheel.   
EB: ...   
EB: you there dave?   
TG: son of a bipch   
TG: is every dave but me in a fucking relationship???   
EB: i know how you feel bro.   
EB: it's like all of a sudden everyone's making a big deal out of romantic relationships!   
EB: i mean we're only fifteen. we should be off having adventures and stuff!   
EB: not worrying about how compatible we are with people we've never actually met.   
EB: oh wait, you're a different age aren't you?   
TG: yeah im still 13   
TG: but thats like 18 in dead years   
EB: dead years? there's no way that's actually a thing.   
TG: shut up of course its a thing   
EB: nope. not having it.   
TG: okay fine i was bullshitting you about that   
TG: but you missed my point entirely   
TG: im not upset by the general notion of daves other than me getting some   
TG: far as im concerned that general notion is rad as fuck   
TG: thats a decorated five star general notion right there   
TG: the reason im mad is that im having a bit of trouble in that department   
TG: as shocking as it may sound coming from me   
TG: im having some relationship problems right now   
EB: not you too!   
EB: ugh, why is that all anyone ever talks about?   
TG: maybe you dont know because theres something physically wrong with you   
TG: like youre incapable of love   
TG: and maybe you could get rose to straighten that up for you   
TG: and maybe that last line was less perverted sounding in my head   
TG: but what im saying is   
TG: when youre experiencing it its kind of a big deal   
EB: bluh.   
EB: let's hear it then.   
TG: hear what   
EB: your issues!   
EB: you may not be one of the daves that's still alive, but you ARE dave.   
EB: dave is my friend, and any trouble of a friend is a trouble of mine.   
TG: okay   
TG: i met this amazing troll girl named nepeta   
TG: weve hung out nonstop ever since we met   
TG: and as i spent time with her i appurrently fell head over h33ls for her   
TG: which doesnt make any kind of sense since heads are pretty much always over heels but i di-the-fuck-gress   
EB: what's the problem then?   
TG: ive been totally friendzoned by her   
TG: and   
TG: she has a crush on karkat   
EB: pffffffhahahaha!   
TG: dont be a dick   
EB: sorry, it's just that i found out that karkat had this weird alien hatecrush on me   
TG: you never realized that earlier?   
TG: egbert you have an astounding ability to not pick up on really obvious hints   
TG: also dont be so insensitive do you even know what its like having to compete with that asshole   
EB: no actually!   
EB: why don't you fill me in?   
TG: uh   
EB: what've you been doing to win nepeta's affections or whatever?   
TG: ive been working with her on a   
TG: project   
TG: of sorts   
EB: what kind of project?   
TG: im looking for a karkat for her   
EB: ...   
EB: did you   
EB: misspeak?   
EB: because it sounds to me like you are trying to find a boyfriend for the girl you have a crush on.   
EB: and i don't think that the dave i know would be so fucking stupid.   
TG: whoa john with the fucking haymaker   
TG: these burns are downright onerous i think i need gauze or some shit   
EB: you were serious? i thought you said you GOT friendzoned.   
TG: jegus egbert what did i say to make you think otherwise   
EB: hate to break it to you, but you're friendzoning yourself, dude!   
TG: what no im not   
EB: you are trying to hook her up with karkat.   
EB: you are actively relegating yourself to the role of friend.   
EB: ergo, you're friendzoning yourself, shithead!   
TG: thats the most bullshit syllogism ive ever seen   
TG: aristotle would be rolling in his grave if all the cemetaries in greece werent already fucking annihilated by that grievous affront to logic right there   
EB: i'm pretty sure that greece and its cemetaries were destroyed by meteors, not by my TOTALLY SOUND logic.   
TG: the only sound that your logic makes is the sound of the buzzer on family feud that tells you that out of a hundred people they could not find a single goddamn person who was dumb enough to say the same thing you did   
EB: just tell me this:   
EB: has nepeta actually said she doesn't like you like that?   
TG: no but   
EB: has she told you that she wouldn't consider thinking of you that way?   
TG: again no but   
EB: and if she rejected you at some point in the past, even implicitly,   
EB: does that mean you don't literally have all of eternity to get her to change her mind???   
TG: sigh   
TG: youre being too naive about this   
EB: am i?   
EB: or are YOU the one being naive?   
TG: youre john fucking egbert   
TG: naivete comes with the territory   
EB: whatever. maybe i could help?   
EB: i could try talking to her.   
TG: oh hell no   
TG: not gonna let you feel nepeta up bro   
EB: ...   
TG: shit OUT feel nepeta out   
TG: like feeling someone out about something   
TG: its just a tricky situation and i dont want you fucking it up with your good intentions   
EB: where is she anyway? i don't see her anywhere.   
EB: didn't you say you two always hang out?   
TG: oh yeah youre actually in the bubble with me   
TG: i forgot that was how that particular metaphysical convention worked   
TG: you see the outside wall of the house behind me   
TG: the one im leaning on   
EB: yeah.   
TG: shes on the other side of it   
TG: weve worked out a system for whenever the bubble calls on us to act out a memory for a sleeping or newly dead person   
TG: the other one hides out of sight so we dont interfere with how the memory plays out   
EB: so you hide out when she talks to someone else, huh?   
EB: do you ever eavesdrop on her?   
TG: no   
TG: thatd be all hells of rude   
TG: plus its usually me doing the talking   
TG: its rare she ever gets to interact with anyone   
TG: its almost like i had way more conversations than she had when we were alive   
TG: which is a fucking shame if you ask me   
EB: well i don't really know what i can do to help.   
EB: you haven't even given me an adequate explanation for why you're going through all this trouble to pair off nepeta!   
TG: its all really complicated   
TG: it figures you wouldnt understand   
EB: how?   
TG: youre an heir   
TG: you dont have to do shit to get what you want   
TG: just gotta sit on your ass and wait to inherit it   
TG: well not me   
TG: im a knight   
TG: i had a chance to get her to change her mind   
TG: and fur her sake i just let it slip past me   
TG: because thats what knights do   
TG: they sacrifice what they want so the people they love can be happy   
EB: see, you're being all high and mighty about this.   
EB: but your "sacrifice" is totally pointless!   
EB: you need to stop acting like such a martyr and do something about it!   
EB: that's my advice.   
TG: well thanks a bunch doc   
TG: been nice talking to you   
EB: likewise.   
TG: anyway tell jade and davesprite i said hi   
TG: now if youll excuse me im late for an appointment   
TG: everything i ever wanted isnt gonna throw itself away   
EB: drama queen   
TG: stfu

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

***

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

  
AC: :33 < aradia i can s33 you!   
AC: :33 < that is you right   
AA: yes   
AC: :33 < yay!   
AC: :33 < *ac pouncetackles the beautyifful maid and gives her a big furiendly hug*   
AC: :33 < how have you b33n?   
AC: :33 < it f33ls like i havent s33n you in furever!   
AA: ive been fantastic!   
AA: the more important question is   
AA: how have you been?   
AC: :33 < uh   
AC: :33 < purretty good   
AA: only pretty good huh   
AA: something wrong   
AC: :33 < nope   
AA: are you sure   
AC: :33 < uh huh   
AA: because if theres anything wrong im here to help   
AC: :33 < okay   
AC: :33 < but im telling you i f33l fine!   
AA: if you say so   
AA: whatve you been up to?   
AC: :33 < hanging out with a human   
AA: you mean jade?   
AC: :33 < no a diffurrent human   
AA: oh really?   
AA: i definitely had no idea   
AA: whats his name   
AA: seeing as how i dont already know   
AC: :33 < hmmmmm *ac narrows her eyes in suspicion*   
AC: :33 < well i never said it was a he but   
AC: :33 < his name is dave   
AA: have you been having fun with him?   
AC: :33 < yeah!   
AC: :33 < its always a lot of fun hanging out with dave   
AC: :33 < hes with me right now as a matter of fact!   
AA: where?   
AA: i dont see him anywhere   
AC: :33 < he had to take a call   
AC: :33 < but he should be on the other side of that wall there   
AA: a call?   
AC: :33 < thats our purrsonal slang fur whenever the bubble wants us to act out a memory fur someone   
AA: oh you mean for a new arrival or a visitor   
AC: :33 < exactly   
AA: so has anything happened   
AC: :33 < you mean betw33n me and dave?   
AA: yeah   
AA: has anything gone down   
AA: you know   
AA: anything important   
AC: :33 < i may be dead but my nose is still as pawerful as efur   
AC: :33 < and i smell a troll that knows more than shes letting on!   
AA: uh   
AC: :33 < i think you knew about us m33ting before i told you   
AC: :33 < and now youre lying about it!   
AA: sorry   
AA: one in my position tends to know these sorts of things   
AA: but i prefer to hear about it directly from the people involved   
AA: it gives me a better idea of how theyre doing   
AC: :33 < well...okay   
AC: :33 < i can tell youre looking out fur us so ill furgive you this   
AC: 833 < ...time   
AC: XDD < h33 h33!   
AA: id tell you that that wasnt as funny as you thought it was   
AA: but i dont have the   
AC: :33 < heart?   
AA: heart!   
AA: ...   
AA: damn your catlike reflexes   
AC: :33 < sorry   
AC: :33 < couldnt help myself i guess!   
AA: its all good   
AA: so tell me more about dave   
AA: what have you two been up to?   
AA: any big plans?   
AC: :33 < yes actually   
AC: :33 < a little while after we met he found out i had a crush on someone   
AA: karkat right   
AC: :33 < how did you know???   
AA: it wasnt exactly the best kept secret   
AC: :// < awwww   
AA: did you think otherwise?   
AC: :33 < uh huh   
AA: there there   
AA: its not the end of the world   
AA: that already occured!   
AC: :33 < heh   
AC: :33 < there was a dead dream karkat i had my eye on   
AC: :33 < so when dave found out he offured to help me win his heart   
AC: :33 < or that was the original plan at least   
AA: what went wrong?   
AC: :33 < well on the last day of our preparations   
AC: :33 < that karkat formed a matespritship with a dead dream terezi   
AA: oh no   
AC: :33 < but that wasnt even the worst thing that happened that day   
AA: really?   
AC: :33 < i think i screwed up my furiendship with dave :((   
AA: what happened?   
AC: :33 < earlier that day i was really nervous   
AC: :33 < so i asked dave to roleplay fur me   
AC: :33 < sigh...this sounds like such a bad idea in hindsight   
AA: no it sounds just fine   
AA: go on   
AC: :33 < he rped as karkat and i rped as myself   
AC: :33 < and while he was in character he kinda   
AC: :33 < revealed his f33lings for me?   
AC: :33 < like red f33lings   
AC: :33 < then i gave him a big hug and ended up basically straddling him and the whole thing got really awkward and ughhhhhhhhh   
AA: i see   
AA: so you think he actually is   
AC: :33 < what?   
AA: do you think dave is actually flushed for you?   
AC: :33 < huh?   
AC: :33 < of course not! thatd be silly   
AC: :33 < we were just roleplaying after all   
AC: :33 < he was purrtending to be karkat   
AC: :33 < so he was either saying what he thought karkat wouldve said   
AC: :33 < or more likely   
AC: :33 < saying what i would want karkat to say in order to make me f33l better   
AA: well if you dont think he meant it then what was so awkward about it   
AC: :33 < it was actually   
AC: :33 < the reason i tackled him   
AA: which was?   
AC: :33 < you purromise not to tell him?   
AA: yes maam!   
AA: any secret of yours is safe with me   
AC: :33 < well alright...   
AC: :33 < the reason i ended up telling him was that i furgot he wasnt really karkat   
AC: :33 < but in reality   
AC: :33 < the opposite was true   
AA: what do you mean?   
AC: :33 < i mean i furgot he was supposed to be karkat!   
AC: :33 < its a rookie rp mistake and on that level alone im kind of ashamed of myself   
AC: :33 < but fur the briefest of moments i thought dave was actually confessing to me out of character!   
AA: so your hug wasnt in response to karkat   
AA: it was in response to dave   
AC: :33 < yeah   
AC: :33 < is that weird?   
AA: that depends   
AA: why did you think he was serious?   
AC: :33 < i guess it was beclaws   
AC: :33 < i could nefur s33 karkat saying the things dave said   
AC: :33 < the way he said them   
AA: so youre saying that dave being flushed for you is more believable than karkat being flushed for you?   
AC: :33 < maybe?   
AC: :33 < those both s33m purretty unlikely though :((   
AA: it isnt that farfetched though   
AA: how did he react when you gave him that hug?   
AC: :33 < he was really flustered   
AC: :33 < he kinda seized up like he wasnt expecting it   
AC: :33 < i f33l so bad fur putting him in a situation like that!   
AA: im sure it wasnt that bad   
AC: :33 < but it was!   
AC: :33 < we didnt even talk after that fur a few minutes   
AC: :33 < i could hardly concentrate on karkat at that point   
AC: :33 < all i was thinking of at that point was dave and our furiendship   
AC: :33 < ugh why did i have to be so impulsive like that! it confused me   
AC: :33 < and im still confused ://   
AA: what about?   
AC: :33 < i just   
AC: :33 < dont get why i pounced on him like i did!   
AC: :33 < it was sort of an automatic response   
AC: :33 < and by the time i realized what i was doing we were already on the ground   
AA: well there is a pretty simple explanation   
AC: :33 < what is it?   
AA: nepeta your aspect is heart   
AA: so i hope this doesnt come across as patronizing or illfounded   
AA: but the only reason i can think of that would make you so happy to hear dave confess red feelings towards you   
AA: is if you had red feelings for him   
AC: :33 < what??   
AA: troll occams razor nepeta!   
AC: :33 < but thats so weird!   
AA: tell me nepeta if i said i could snap my fingers and make you karkats matesprit right now   
AA: but it meant you would never see dave ever again   
AA: which would you pick   
AC: :33 < dave obviously   
AC: :33 < but i wouldnt give up ANY of my furiends fur karkat   
AA: well maybe that was an extreme example   
AA: but youre clearly concerned about dave   
AA: and youve spent whats surely felt like months with him   
AA: you two have done so much bonding that itd be weird for you to NOT be flushed for him!   
AC: :33 < while i understand that   
AC: :33 < and i must admit ive entertained the pawsibility   
AC: :33 < i dont f33l like getting my hopes up ofur it   
AA: why not?   
AC: :33 < beclaws im not sure hes flushed fur me!   
AC: :33 < plus....in a way i already tested the waters   
AC: :33 < i asked him whether i should stop chasing after karkat   
AC: :33 < and he was really adament about me not losing hope   
AC: :33 < a small part of me wants to think he was just being pawlite   
AC: :33 < but the rest of me trusts his word and is willing to move on   
AA: are we talking about the same dave here?   
AC: :33 < what do you mean?   
AA: nepeta   
AA: listen to what youre saying   
AA: how can you trust daves word when hes being ironic half the time   
AC: :33 < hes getting better about that!   
AA: be that as it may   
AA: have YOU told him your thoughts about all of this   
AC: :33 < ummmmmmmmm   
AC: :33 < no   
AA: and if you   
AA: the most straightforward troll i know   
AA: havent been upfront with him about this   
AA: how can you expect him to be?   
AC: XOO < blarrrghh!   
AC: :33 < these are all really good points   
AC: :33 < youve certainly given me a lot to think about   
AA: my pleasure miss leijon   
AC: :33 < h33 h33   
AC: :33 < you know aradia you ought to stop being so awesome :PP   
AA: i cant really control the awesome   
AC: :33 < hey when dave is done taking his call maybe you could m33t him   
AA: err   
AA: actually i have to go now   
AC: :33 < nooooooo!   
AC: :33 < *ac wraps herself around the purretty fairys legs to k33p her furom leaving*   
AA: i have wings now   
AA: i can just fly away   
AC: :33 < please dont :((   
AA: *there i go*   
AA: *WE HAVE*   
AA: *LIFDOFF*   
AC: :33 < huh? you arent actually flying   
AA: its an injoke   
AA: im sure dave would be more than happy to let you in on it though   
AA: o_o   
AA: i wish   
AA: i could somehow make that emoticon wink   
AA: o_-   
AA: no that looks stupid   
AA: oh well   
AA: bye nepeta!   
AC: :33 < bye aradia   
AC: :33 < s33 you later?   
AA: you most certainly will o_-

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]


	9. Chapter 9

"What kind of fureaky comic IS this?"

Nepeta grimaced in only-half-kidding disgust at the page of SBAHJ on the iPhone she was holding. A moment ago, she wanted to see Dave's comic. Now, seated on a pile of shitty wands that seemed to Dave to be more comfortable than it looked, she wasn't so sure she wanted to anymore. As she showed Dave his phone, her eyebrows demanded an explanation.

"Uh, I don't remember drawing that one actually. Looks like Davesprite's work to me."

Nepeta rolled her eyes. "You can't keep shifting the blame to him like that. He's you! And even if he weren't, he didn't draw _all_ of these!"

Dave sighed. "Sorry we can't all be awesome artists like you seem to think you are."

"Heehee," Nepeta grinned, "I'm not that great. I just try!" Holding the phone at a distance as if she were afraid she might catch its disease, she added, "...at all. No offense, but I honestly don't know how you managed to do this so poorly! It's like you were trying to make it as horrible as pawsible."

"Me?" Faux indignation rose in Dave's voice as he defended himself. "Are you saying that I would ever intentionally give less than a hundred _purr_ cent in my artistic endeavors?"

She giggled a bit at the pun. "You know what I think? You draw bad on purpose beclaws you don't think you can handle criticism. You're afuraid that if you try to draw well that someone's going to say it looks bad."

Dave held up his hands in protest. "Maybe I'm just that bad at it. Maybe my fragile sense of self-esteem is being tragically crushed by your harsh, unfeeling words. Did you consider that?"

"I'm not trying to be confurontational! I just don't think anyone could be this bad at drawing. Even Terezi was better than this and she's blind. What on earth did you draw this with anyway?"

Dave shrugged. "My mouse."

"Pshhh. Mice are for catching, not drawing silly!"

"I meant a computer mouse, coolcat." She gave him a look that Dave instantly recognized to mean _"I knew that, I was making a pun."_ Dave replied with an expression that meant _"I know you knew that, but I love making fun of you too much to miss such a good chance."_ After a brief staring contest, Dave conceded defeat and mussed Nepeta's hair a bit. "Then what do you use to draw?"

"This!" Her drawing tablet computer instantly appeared in her hand. "Here, I'll show you." Grasping the stylus in her other hand, Nepeta began to draw. At intervals she would hold up the stylus in her outstretched hand while looking at Dave, who quickly figured out what she was drawing.

"Do I need to be posing for this? Jegus, if I knew you were going to draw me like one of your french girls I might've worn something a little more flattering." He was signalled to stop moving, so he began to watch her as she worked. Nepeta never did anything half-heartedly and drawing was no exception. Her hands worked in a furvor and the corners of her mouth tweaked upward as she neared completion. The only thing Dave didn't understand was her eyes. _It's times like these when I wish we weren't dead. The white eyes thing makes it impossible to tell what she's looking at. Is she looking at me or the tablet? My eyes are white too. Even if they weren't, I'm wearing my shades right now. Does she know I'm looking at her? Does she know..._

"Done!" Nepeta cheered, snapping Dave out of it. She handed him the tablet. The doodle of Dave was fairly detailed and almost too cute. He wondered why it only took up the left half of the screen until he noticed Nepeta sitting completely still. "Your turn!" she gleefully cried.

Taking the stylus in hand, Dave looked at her and began to draw. _Okay Dave, let's make this hapen. Eyes ripped straight from the animes...mouth like a three...hair...hair...why is there so much fucking hair?...horns like candy corn party hats...weird leo symbol...trenchcoat that's just a liiittle too big and makes her look smaller by comparison and then she looks up at you with those big eyes and she looks so small and adorable and you just want to wrap her up in your arms and_

"Uh, Dave? You done yet?"

"Huh?"

"You stopped drawing. Can I see?" Dave looked down at the tablet and found that he was indeed done. He thought his drawing looked like shit but he showed her anyway. Nepeta looked it over and gave a little clap. "Yay! See how doing things to the best of your ability is more fun than sucking on purrpose?"

"Y-You think it's good?" Dave stuttered.

She nodded. "Mmmhmm. It can always be better, but the coolest thing about trying is that other people can help you improve."

"So," Dave ribbed, "you know of anyone around here who could help me out?"

"Me, of course!" 

Dave raised an eyebrow. 

"No, really! I'm not purrfect, but I know how to make you better. Fur example," Nepeta said, "Look at the way you draw straight lines and angular things like horns. You're really good at them! But your curvy things like circles are too stiff and jagged. If you just purractice drawing curves, you could get a lot better."

"Practice, huh?" Dave scratched his head. 

"Here, there's some room between the drawings. I'll guide you through it." She sat beside him and moved the tablet to his lap. She then lightly grasped the hand in which Dave held the stylus. He was nearly unable to hear Nepeta's question of "What do you want to draw furst?" over the sound of his quickening heartbeat, which echoed cacophonously through his head.

"Uhh..." he stammered, voice cracking. "A circle?"

"Good idea," she said. "We should purrobably start simple...but I think a circle might be TOO simple. Any other ideas?"

Dave looked at the tablet. A drawing of himself was on the left, a drawing of her was on the right. In the middle was just enough unused space for a medium sized symbol of some kind. He swallowed.

"How about a heart?"

Nepeta grinned. "Sounds good to me." She looked over his shoulder, held her hand over his, and began guiding it through the motions. Hand in hand, they slowly traced out the figure of a heart. Nepeta was still holding on even after they finished. Dave looked her in the eyes and opened his mouth to speak.

"HONK."

Nepeta hand darted away from Dave's as they both looked around for the source of the sound. They quickly realized it came from the pile--no longer of wands, but of horns. "This isn't my memory," Dave dryly intimated.

"Mine neither."

"Then who?" Again acting in unison, the pair turned around to see Karkat and another troll talking near a computer. Instinctively entering stalkmode, Nepeta pulled Dave down and briefed him.

"That's mister Ampurra," she growled. Judging by her demeanor, Dave quickly ascertained that this was the troll Nepeta had rejected. _That's the guy I was afraid of being? He looks fucking pathetic, I had nothing to be afraid of. I mean seriously, the fuck is with that scarf and the stupid looking streak in his hair. And the cape. The fucking CAPE. If I ever end up wearing a cape like that unironically I would officially give myself permission to be erased from existence completely._ Following Nepeta's cue, Dave began to listen in to the conversation.

KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.    
ERIDAN: nobody gets it    
ERIDAN: i had a harder time than anybody wwith this game    
ERIDAN: it wwas really fuckin unfair wwhat challenges i got saddled wwith    
ERIDAN: i wwoulda fuckin MURDERED for a land full of a lot a harmless brains and fire    
ERIDAN: but no    
ERIDAN: it wwas so lonely    
ERIDAN: hey guys anybody wwant to come hang out wwith me in the land a wwrath and angels    
ERIDAN: anybody at all i knoww it isnt anythin like one of your flippin land picnics    
ERIDAN: anybody please ill evven settle for the kittycat shipper cavve girl    
ERIDAN: but yeah i guess bein her servver player and savvin her life wwasnt goddamn enough    
ERIDAN: had to be my most humiliatin rejection yet    
KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME.    
KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? 

_Ouch._ Dave glanced over to see Nepeta's nigh-instantaneous reaction. Gazing listlessly at the two conversing trolls, she whispered to him, "I'm think I'm done here."

He reached out to comfort her, only managing to squeak out a "Nepeta" before she turned to him. Her bleak expression seemed at home among the dull greys and browns of the room. Karkat and Eridan continued to talk in the background.

"Dave," she rasped. "I'm leaving now. I need to be alone fur a while."

She stood and walked to the transportalizer in the middle of the room, disappearing before he could say a word. He stood up and briefly considered following her, but dismissed the idea as pointless. She said she wanted solitude. _And if Nepeta wants something..._

Dave turned his attention to Karkat. He glared at him, his enemy. Karkat was always his competitor, not in wanting, but in being wanted. When Dave was still alive and the female in contest was Terezi, he had enjoyed an advantage. Then he died. Now he was competing with him for attention from Nepeta and felt like he was fighting a losing battle. Dave Strider, once the man in control, now felt forced to sit by and watch the situation--and Nepeta--escape his grasp.

He cursed the name, the one behind it all.

KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL.    
KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.    
ERIDAN: yeah i guess    
KARKAT: ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WERE EXPECTING TO MAKE ANY SORT OF TRACTION IF YOU SEE HER AS THE KITTYCAT SHIPPER GIRL, SHE'S    
DAVE: shes a person with feelings you raving douche    
KARKAT: YES, EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO...    
KARKAT: WAIT A SECOND...    
KARKAT: OH WHAT THE FUCK, DAVE?    
ERIDAN: wwhoa howw the fuck did HE get here    
DAVE: you know me just passing through    
DAVE: thought id offer an asshole a piece of my mind like the gentle stewardess i am    
KARKAT: OKAY THAT'S IT    
KARKAT: WE'VE FINALLY REACHED THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE HUMPBEAST'S BACK.    
KARKAT: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT, STRIDER.    
ERIDAN: kar wwhats goin on seriously    
KARKAT: CHILL THE FUCK OUT ERIDAN, I'VE GOT A SCORE TO SETTLE.    
KARKAT: DAVE FUCKING STRIDER, HOW I'VE SO FAR MANAGED TO PUT UP WITH YOU EVERY WAKING HOUR FOR DAMN NEAR A GODDAMN SWEEP IS BEYOND ME    
KARKAT: BUT TRYING TO FUCK WITH ME IN MY SLEEP IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.    
DAVE: sorry dude    
DAVE: im not the dave you think i am    
ERIDAN: wwait kar wwhat are you talkin about howw are you asleep noww    
DAVE: also im not sorry at all you piece of shit    
KARKAT: DON'T THINK YOU CAN PULL THAT BIT ON ME AGAIN.    
KARKAT: I SAW THROUGH THE WHOLE "USE THE DREAMBUBBLE MECHANICS TO REMEMBER UP OLD CLOTHES AND PRETEND TO BE A DEAD DAVE IN ORDER TO FUCK WITH KARKAT WITH NO REPERCUSSIONS" RUSE THE FIRST TIME YOU TRIED IT    
KARKAT: OKAY MAYBE NOT THE FIRST TIME    
KARKAT: OR THE SECOND TIME    
KARKAT: BUT BY THE EIGHT TIME IT HAPPENED I WAS PRETTY MUCH IN THE LOOP ABOUT IT    
KARKAT: AND THIS TIME YOU AREN'T FOOLING ANYONE.    
DAVE: wow thats kinda pathetic    
DAVE: on your part not his    
KARKAT: STILL THINK YOU'RE FOOLING ME?    
KARKAT: WELL LET'S JUST SAY THAT "HIS" ASS IS MINE NOW.    
KARKAT: YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO HOW ROSE IS ALWAYS TELLING US TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT MAKING SURE PEOPLE ADJUST TO LIVING IN THE DREAMBUBBLES PROPERLY    
KARKAT: AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING THAT UP FOR ONE OF MY FRIENDS, SO YOU NEED TO STEP THE FUCK OFF.    
KARKAT: MAYBE IF YOU TOOK OFF THE DOUCHEY SHADES ONCE IN A WHILE YOU'D BE ABLE TO SEE THAT.    
ERIDAN: youre sayin wwere in a dreambubble    
ERIDAN: wwhy has no one told me yet    
DAVE: you want me to take off my shades    
DAVE: fine    
DAVE: looks like that alpha dave ruse was a fucking distaction doesnt it    
KARKAT: ...    
KARKAT: OH    
KARKAT: THE EYES    
KARKAT: SORRY ABOUT THAT.    
DAVE: youre about to be    
DAVE: cause ive got a bone to pick with you    
DAVE: in fact its a whole fucking skeleton i have to pick with you    
DAVE: fuck it an entire cemetary of spooky ass skeletons wouldnt outweigh the amount of bones i have to pick with you    
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?    
DAVE: its about the girl    
KARKAT: YOU'RE UPSET WITH ME ABOUT TEREZI?    
KARKAT: LOOK, WHATEVER SOME DEAD KARKAT DID TO PISS YOU OFF IN WHAT WAS PROBABLY A TOTALLY JUSTIFIABLE WAY,    
KARKAT: THAT KARKAT ISN'T ME.    
KARKAT: I'M STILL ALIVE.    
DAVE: dont care    
DAVE: also im not talking about terezi i could honestly give a shit about her    
KARKAT: WOW. A DAVE THAT DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH TEREZI.    
KARKAT: WISH YOU COULD'VE BEEN THE ALPHA DAVE.    
KARKAT: HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?    
DAVE: hmm    
DAVE: its a wee bit hazy but    
DAVE: id place the dramatic transformation at some point after when she killed me    
KARKAT: SHIT.    
KARKAT: YOU'RE *THAT* DAVE AREN'T YOU    
KARKAT: FROM THE COINFLIP    
DAVE: i swear every one of you has my life story somehow    
DAVE: did rose tell you how did you know    
KARKAT: ROSE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING DIPSHIT.    
KARKAT: WELL SHE HAS SAID SOME THINGS    
KARKAT: A WHOLE LOT OF FUCKING THINGS ACTUALLY SHE NEVER SHUTS HER PERFUMEY TRAP FOR HALF A GODDAMN SECOND    
KARKAT: NONE OF THEM WERE ABOUT YOU THOUGH.    
KARKAT: I KNOW BECAUSE I ACTUALLY SAW IT HAPPEN.    
KARKAT: TEREZI WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME WHEN SHE WATCHED IT.    
DAVE: she watched me get killed    
DAVE: thats fucking sick i knew she was macabre but DAMN    
KARKAT: UGH, YOU ARE SO CLUELESS    
KARKAT: IT'S NOTHING REMOTELY LIKE WHAT YOU'RE THINKING OF.    
KARKAT: SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.    
DAVE: dont you even talk to me about who deserves better than who    
DAVE: youre the one she deserves better than    
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WASN'T ABOUT TEREZI.    
DAVE: its not    
DAVE: im talking about nepeta    
KARKAT: NEPETA?    
KARKAT: ...    
KARKAT: RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN.    
DAVE: i mean the girl of my fucking dreams who has an inexplicable lady boner for you    
DAVE: the girl whose feelings you just shit on    
KARKAT: I KNOW WHO NEPETA IS YOU TOOL, I WAS MAKING SURE I HEARD PROPERLY    
KARKAT: FORGIVE ME FOR THINKING THE WHOLE THING IS KIND OF RANDOM.    
ERIDAN: kar i knoww youre busy but could you explain to me wwhat is happening    
ERIDAN: am i asleep or dead or wwhat    
KARKAT: UNLESS...    
KARKAT: FUCK.    
KARKAT: *YOU* MUST BE THE DAVE NEPETA TOLD ME ABOUT.    
DAVE: you talked to her?    
DAVE: when did this happen    
KARKAT: HALF A SWEEP AGO FOR ME.    
KARKAT: BUT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MORE RECENTLY FOR HER.    
KARKAT: IT COULD EVEN HAVE NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENED FOR HER YET FOR ALL I KNOW!    
KARKAT: ALL THIS FUCKING TEMPORAL NONSENSE.    
KARKAT: THAT'S THAT SHIT I DON'T LIKE.    
DAVE: what did you say to her    
KARKAT: IT WAS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION AND IT WILL REMAIN ONE.    
DAVE: i swear to gog if you tried to cockblock me i will go off the handle    
DAVE: i will scoot my ass off of that handle faster than roses mom falls off the fucking wagon everytime she passive aggressively swears off drinking    
ERIDAN: if you guys could take a break from the hatefest    
ERIDAN: id really like to knoww wwhy im here    
KARKAT: I DIDN'T BLOCK ANYONE'S CLUCKBEAST, DAVE.    
KARKAT: SHE TOLD ME A FEW THINGS    
KARKAT: SHE ASKED ME A FEW QUESTIONS    
KARKAT: I ANSWERED THEM.    
KARKAT: THAT'S IT.    
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU SO PARANOID, ANYWAY?    
KARKAT: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?    
DAVE: my problem is you    
DAVE: you are the worst asshole i know    
DAVE: yet nepeta fawns over you like youre the fucking pope    
DAVE: i cannot for the death of me figure out why she pays you so much goddamn attention    
KARKAT: YOU'RE TRYING TO RATIONALIZE IT?    
KARKAT: IT WAS A CRUSH, MORON.    
ERIDAN: (fuck)    
ERIDAN: (since kars bein a little bitch i guess i have to figure this shit out on my owwn)    
KARKAT: CRUSHES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE, THEY JUST HAPPEN.    
KARKAT: WHERE IS SHE, ANYWAY?    
DAVE: she ran off after you broke her heart just now    
KARKAT: SHE WAS LISTENING TO THAT CONVERSATION?    
KARKAT: FUCK.    
KARKAT: FORGOT ABOUT THAT.    
KARKAT: HOW MUCH DID SHE HEAR? WAS SHE HURT BY WHAT I SAID?    
DAVE: she heard enough    
DAVE: and she hurts enough    
KARKAT: GOD DAMNIT.    
KARKAT: YOU AREN'T CATCHING ON, GUESS I'LL HAVE TO BE MORE DIRECT ABOUT THIS...    
KARKAT: WHERE'D SHE GO?    
DAVE: she stepped on that pad thing    
KARKAT: AND WHY DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW HER?    
DAVE: she said she wanted to be alone    
KARKAT: ...    
KARKAT: YOU FUCKING IDIOT.    
DAVE: what    
ERIDAN: (wwait i wwasnt wwearin my cape before)    
ERIDAN: (i took it off wwhen i fought sol)    
KARKAT: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY WHEN I WOULD MEET SOMEONE MORE PAINFULLY OBLIVIOUS ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING THAN JOHN WAS.    
DAVE: what are you talking about    
KARKAT: SIGH.    
KARKAT: "I WANT TO BE ALONE" IS ONE OF THE MOST LOADED PHRASES IN THE LEXICON OF ROMANCE.    
KARKAT: THERE ARE VERY, VERY MANY WAYS TO HANDLE IT.    
KARKAT: IF NEPETA REALLY IS THE "GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS" THEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD HAVE SAID?    
KARKAT: "YOU DON'T *NEED* TO BE ALONE. NOT ANYMORE."    
ERIDAN: (then i got into that stand off with vvris an gam)    
ERIDAN: (then kan showwed up an...)    
KARKAT: SOME ROMANTIC LINE LIKE THAT, THEN YOU TWO KISS WHILE CHEESY MUSIC PLAYS.    
KARKAT: ROLL CREDITS. THE END.    
DAVE: oh my fucking god    
DAVE: this isnt a romcom jackass    
KARKAT: THAT WASN'T MY POINT.    
KARKAT: I WAS SAYING THAT SHE WAS IMPLICITLY ASKING FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO GIVE HER SOME.    
KARKAT: AND YOU THREW IT AWAY LIKE A USED FUCKING TISSUE.    
KARKAT: TO DO WHAT?    
KARKAT: CONFRONT SOMEONE THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT?    
DAVE: you had everything to do with it you prick    
KARKAT: IS THAT SO?    
ERIDAN: (shit)    
ERIDAN: (OH FUCK MY BODY IM SEPERATED FROM THE LOWWER HALF A MY FUCKIN BODY)    
KARKAT: TELL ME, DAVE.    
KARKAT: WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO HURT YOUR CHANCES WITH HER?    
DAVE: nothing i know of    
KARKAT: HAS ANY KARKAT DONE ANYTHING TO DRIVE YOU TWO APART?    
KARKAT: I MEAN ON PURPOSE.    
DAVE: well    
DAVE: not really i guess    
KARKAT: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MAN, HAS ANY ITERATION OF ME FUCKING INTERACTED WITH HER UP TO THIS POINT?    
DAVE: you    
DAVE: that    
DAVE: that doesnt matter    
DAVE: if it werent for you i wouldnt have any problem    
DAVE: therefore youre the problem    
KARKAT: NO. IT'S YOU.    
KARKAT: YOU ARE STANDING HERE TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU COULD BE GIVING NEPETA A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.    
KARKAT: SO DAVE    
KARKAT: WHO'S REALLY PREOCCUPIED WITH ME?    
KARKAT: NEPETA?    
KARKAT: OR YOU?    
DAVE: ...    
KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.    
KARKAT: YOU'RE SO CAUGHT UP IN YOUR SELF PITY THAT YOU FAIL TO REALIZE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT:    
KARKAT: NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU RATIONALIZE YOUR BEHAVIOR OR LAMENT YOUR STATE OF BEING OR SHIFT THE BLAME TO SOMEONE ELSE    
KARKAT: THE ONLY PERSON TRULY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SITUATION    
KARKAT: IS THE UGLY MOTHERFUCKER IN THE GODDAMN MIRROR.    
KARKAT: I'D TELL YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE QUITE A HANDLE ON THAT ALREADY.    
KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK?    
KARKAT: NEPETA DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU.    
KARKAT: MAYBE I'LL CHASE HER DOWN AND WARN HER BEFORE SHE STUMBLES ASS BACKWARDS INTO THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HER LIFE.    
DAVE: SHUT UP    
KARKAT: ...WHAT?    
DAVE: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP    
DAVE: THAT MEANS CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTHHOLE BEFORE THE STENCH ROTS OFF MY EYEBROWS YOU CRETINOUS WASTE OF A NOT-YET-CORPSE    
KARKAT: WHOA, CALM DOWN MAN.    
DAVE: LIKE YOU CAN FUCKING TALK    
KARKAT: LET'S JUST    
KARKAT: sigh    
KARKAT: let's just talk this out calmly.    
ERIDAN: (wwhy did you havve to be so cruel kan)    
ERIDAN: (other than that i technically killed you cause thats a bs reason)    
KARKAT: see? i lowered my voice    
KARKAT: now let's reason this out like mature people, and    
DAVE: FUCK REASON FUCK MATURITY AND FUCK YOU    
KARKAT: dave, seriously, be cool.    
KARKAT: isn't that what you like to be? cool?    
KARKAT: can that still be a thing?    
KARKAT: look, i'm sorry!    
KARKAT: i'm sorry i lashed out at you like that.    
ERIDAN: (FUCK i get it im DEAD stop rubbin it in)    
ERIDAN: (SOMEBODY HELP ME)    
KARKAT: i got a little carried away because i've been going through a situation like yours.    
KARKAT: i've been having conversations with past and future selves and this reminded me of them.    
KARKAT: to be honest, most of what i said was directed at me, not you.    
KARKAT: i guess you just    
KARKAT: reminded me of myself.    
DAVE: NO    
DAVE: YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE ME    
KARKAT: dave what are you doing    
DAVE: YOU WERE NEVER ANYTHING LIKE ME    
KARKAT: this is starting to freak me out, seriously!    
DAVE: AND YOU WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LIKE ME    
KARKAT: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

>Dave: Punch a bitch out.

His fist connected with the bridge of Karkat's nose. Dave felt the resistence give way as a bright light enveloped Karkat's body. In a flash, he was gone. Dave looked from his trembling fist to the empty space once occupied by Karkat and back. Eridan squeaked out a wavering, "What the hell is going on?"

To no one in particular, Dave responded.

"Pull yourself together, man."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third conversations starts from here: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004733

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CG: HEY.   
AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously*   
AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of karkats shoes*   
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS TO SINK THIS LOW.   
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ASKING AN AUTISTIC GIRL IN A CAVE TO JOIN HIS TEAM.   
CG: KARKAT MYSTIFIES IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER THE FACT THAT   
CG: HE   
CG: ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION?   
CG: SHIT   
CG: THIS IS A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE ISN'T IT.   
AC: :33 < *ac nods her head solemnly*   
CG: YOU KNOW YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY THAT, RIGHT?   
CG: I CAN ACTUALLY SEE YOU NODDING, THAT'S HOW DREAMBUBBLES WORK.   
AC: :33 < oh yeah   
AC: :33 < sorry   
CG: IT'S FINE.   
CG: I'M STILL NOT USED TO THE WHOLE THING.   
CG: ANYWAY, YOU CERTAINLY ARE A SIGHT FOR SORE GANDERBULBS.   
AC: :33 < i am???   
CG: YES   
CG: WAIT, I SHOULD PROBABLY FIGURE OUT WHICH NEPETA YOU ARE.   
CG: I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING IF YOU'RE ALSO ALIVE AND SLEEPING SOMEHOW BECAUSE OF TIME SHIT.   
AC: :33 < no n33d to worry your silly head about anything   
AC: :33 < im dead!   
CG: ARE YOU FROM THE ALPHA TIMELINE?   
AC: :33 < yep   
CG: ALRIGHT   
CG: I GUESS THE EYES KIND OF GIVE AWAY THE DEAD PART NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT.   
CG: I CAN PROBABLY EXPLAIN THEN.   
CG: THE PLAN WE HATCHED WITH THE HUMANS HAS BEEN SEEN TO FRUITION   
CG: IF YOU CAN FUCKING CALL IT THAT.   
CG: NOW WE'RE RIDING THROUGH THE FURTHEST RING ON A METEOR.   
CG: I.E. I'M STUCK WITH A MENAGERIE OF INSUFFERABLE ASSES FOR "THREE YEARS"   
CG: LIKE AN ASS MENAGERIE I GUESS.   
CG: IT'S BARELY BEEN HALF OF A SWEEP AND I'VE ALREADY BEEN DRIVEN UTTERLY SHITHIVE FUCKING LOONYBONKERS.   
AC: :33 < t33h33   
CG: SO YEAH, I GUESS I'M A LITTLE EXCITED TO SEE SOMEONE FOR WHOM DEALING WITH THEIR PRESENCE ISN'T A FUCKING CHORE.   
CG: AND ALSO...I GUESS I'M STILL GETTING OVER THE SHOCK.   
AC: :33 < shock?   
CG: YOU KNOW, SURPRISE.   
CG: LIKE ON PERIGEE'S EVE WHEN YOUR LUSUS DRAGS HOME A BEHEMOTH LEAVING FOR YOU TO DECORATE.   
CG: ONLY INSTEAD OF PERIGEE'S EVE, IT WAS THAT DAY HALF A SWEEP AGO.   
CG: AND INSTEAD OF MY LUSUS, IT WAS MY MOIRAIL.   
CG: AND INSTEAD OF A BEAST'S CARCASS, IT WAS YOUR CORPSE.   
CG: AND INSTEAD OF DECORATING, I WAS MOURNING THE FACT THAT ONE OF MY ONLY FRIENDS WHO WAS NEITHER DEAD NOR AN ASSHOLE WAS NOW IN THE FORMER CATEGORY THANKS TO SOMEONE FROM THE LATTER CATEGORY.   
CG: SORRY FOR THE TORTURED SIMILE, BUT I THINK YOU SEE MY POINT.   
AC: :33 < its okay karkat really   
CG: NO, IT ISN'T.   
CG: I'M A DISGRACE AS A LEADER AND A MOIRAIL FOR LETTING GAMZEE KILL YOU.   
AC: :33 < nobodys perfect karkat!   
AC: :33 < maybe if id been a better meowrail to equius he wouldve been able to stand up to gamz33   
AC: :33 < and if i had listened to him when he told me to stay put maybe id still be alive too   
CG: NO.   
CG: I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR DEATH.   
CG: THAT IS FUCKED UP ON ENOUGH LEVELS THAT IT ELUDES EXPLANATION.   
CG: THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY TO SAVE YOU.   
CG: LIKE MAYBE IF I...   
CG: NEVER MIND.   
AC: :33 < what is it?   
CG: IT'S NOTHING REALLY. JUST SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT.   
CG: IF THERE'S ONE THING I'VE GOT ON THIS HELLMETEOR IT'S TIME TO THINK.   
CG: ONE THING I TEND TO DO IS ANALYZE MY PAST SELF'S MISTAKES.   
CG: IT MAKES FOR A GREAT TIME WASTER SINCE THERE WERE SO FUCKING MANY.   
AC: :33 < h33h33   
CG: AND ONE OF THOSE MISTAKES WAS   
CG: I GUESS IT WAS   
CG: NOT REALLY GIVING YOU A CHANCE.   
AC: :33 < what do you mean?   
CG: LOOK, I SORT OF KNEW YOU HAD THIS BIG REDCRUSH ON ME.   
CG: BUT I WAS TOO CAUGHT UP IN TEREZI TO REALLY CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING YOUR MATESPRIT.   
CG: SURE I WASN'T FLUSHED FOR YOU, BUT MAYBE IF I GAVE IT A CHANCE...   
CG: I'M JUST SORRY IS ALL.   
CG: SORRY I NEVER GAVE YOU THE TIME OF NIGHT.   
CG: SORRY I LET YOU DIE BEFORE ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN BETWEEN US.   
CG: NEPETA?   
CG: YOU OKAY?   
AC: :33 < yeah   
AC: :33 < and i furgive you for all of those things   
CG: YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T SURPRISED THAT I KNEW ABOUT IT?   
AC: :33 < not really   
AC: :33 < i kinda...ofurheard you saying you knew already   
CG: WHAT? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN   
AC: :33 < purretty recently   
AC: :33 < you were talking to mister ampurra   
AC: :33 < you said something about my f33lings being very unrequited   
CG: OH GOD NEPETA I'M SORRY   
CG: I'M KIND OF A HUGE TOOL.   
AC: :33 < its really okay karkat!   
CG: DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.   
CG: I DESERVE THE WORST YOU CAN DISH OUT.   
AC: :33 < im not lying!   
AC: :33 < i was actually kind of okay with hearing it   
CG: I DON'T GET IT.   
CG: HOW COULD YOU BE OKAY WITH HEARING YOUR CRUSH BLATANTLY REJECT YOU?   
AC: :33 < i didnt say it made any sense   
AC: :33 < and sure part of me was a little disappointed to hear it   
AC: :33 < but i also felt...   
CG: ...WELL?   
CG: HOW DID IT MAKE YOU FEEL?   
AC: :33 < ...   
AC: :33 < relieved?   
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT.   
CG: THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.   
AC: :33 < i know!!!   
AC: :33 < ughhhhh this is so confusing!   
CG: I'M SURE WE CAN FIGURE IT OUT.   
CG: WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO GO EAVESDROPPING   
CG: MAYBE SOME CONTEXT WILL HELP.   
AC: :33 < i was hanging out with dave   
CG: OH NOT YOU TOO NEPETA   
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ASSOCIATING WITH THAT POSER.   
AC: :33 < he isnt that bad!   
CG: BULLSHIT.   
AC: :33 < hes funny and nice when he wants to be you know   
AC: :33 < and i think its adorable how he likes to act cool all the time   
AC: :33 < when d33p down hes as huge of a dork as me :PP   
CG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY REFER TO DAVE STRIDER AS "ADORABLE"???   
CG: I'M NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME PERSON   
AC: :33 < we technically might not be   
AC: :33 < the dave i met is from a doomed timeline   
CG: THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THE NUMBER OF ITERATIONS OF DAVE THAT MEET YOUR DESCRIPTION NUMBER EXACTLY ZERO.   
CG: YOU DO MEAN THE INSUFFERABLE HUMAN WHO CONSTANTLY WEARS SHADES, RIGHT?   
AC: :33 < he doesnt wear them all the time!   
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME   
CG: HE NEVER TAKES THEM OFF.   
CG: HE WEARS THOSE THINGS TO BED.   
CG: HE WEARS THEM TO MEALS.   
CG: HE EVEN WEARS THEM IN THE FUCKING ABLUTION TRAP.   
AC: :33 < uhh how do you know that he wears them in the   
CG: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.   
CG: YOU'RE TELLING ME YOUR DAVE TAKES OFF HIS SUNGLASSES FOR YOU?   
AC: :33 < sometimes yeah   
AC: :33 < he didnt at furst   
AC: :33 < but then i took them from him once   
AC: :33 < he s33med a little unsettled but he went back to normal soon after that   
AC: :33 < from then on he didnt mind at all if i wanted to wear them   
AC: :33 < hes even offurred them to me a few times.   
CG: HE OFFERED TO LET YOU WEAR THEM?   
AC: :33 < uh huh   
CG: THAT'S REALLY, REALLY STRANGE.   
CG: I MEAN IT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS.   
CG: THE DAVE I'M STUCK WITH LOSES HIS SHIT IF SOMEONE SO MUCH AS BREATHES ON THEM WRONG.   
CG: I THINK YOU MAY HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO HIM.   
AC: :33 < what do you mean?   
CG: WHEN WOULD HE OFFER YOU THEM?   
AC: :33 < sometimes we go ofur to his house and sit on the roof   
AC: :33 < the sun is brighter than im used to   
AC: :33 < he noticed me squinting a lot so he let me wear his shades   
CG: HMM.   
CG: I'VE GOT A THEORY.   
AC: :33 < about magic?   
CG: WHAT? NO.   
CG: MAGIC ISN'T SCIENTIFIC YOU CAN'T MAKE FUCKING THEORIES ABOUT IT   
CG: IT'S ABOUT THIS DAVE.   
CG: IT'S A COMPLETELY FUCKING RIDICULOUS THEORY, DON'T GET ME WRONG.   
CG: BUT IT MAY HAVE SOME MERIT   
CG: SO WOULD YOU MIND ANSWERING A FEW QUESTIONS?   
CG: I NEED TO TEST IT.   
AC: :33 < i dont know where you think youre going with this   
AC: :33 < but sure!   
CG: ARE THOSE HIS ONLY PAIR OF SHADES?   
AC: :33 < i think theres a couple of other pairs in his house   
CG: INTERESTING.   
CG: AND WHY DOESN'T HE JUST LET YOU WEAR THOSE?   
AC: :33 < ummmmmmm...   
AC: :33 < i nefur gave it that much thought   
AC: :33 < he gave me some reason but i could tell it wasnt the real one   
AC: :33 < it wasnt a big issue or anything so i decided to just let it go   
CG: TELL ME NEPETA.   
CG: HOW MANY ROMANTIC COMEDIES HAVE YOU SEEN?   
AC: :33 < none i think   
CG: AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SHIPPER.   
CG: WELL, A VERY COMMON TROPE, ESPICIALLY IN ROMCOMS SET AT SCHOOLFEEDING GROUNDS   
CG: IS WHEN A TROLL OFFERS THE TROLL HE HAS A FLUSHCRUSH ON HIS OR HER JACKET.   
CG: IT'S A VERY ROMANTIC GESTURE.   
CG: OCCASIONALLY A DIFFERENT ARTICLE OF CLOTHING IS USED FOR THE SAME PURPOSE   
CG: A HAT, MAYBE, OR PERHAPS EVEN...   
CG: SUNGLASSES.   
AC: :33 < pshhh its nothing like that!   
AC: :33 < people can be nice to their furiends without ulterior motives   
AC: :33 < hard as that may be fur you to believe   
CG: FINE, I'LL BACK DOWN THEN.   
CG: FOR NOW.   
CG: WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO ON THE ROOF?   
AC: :33 < hang out mostly   
AC: :33 < we talk about whatefur maybe he raps a little   
AC: :33 < a lot of his memeowries are of when the sun is going down   
AC: :33 < sometimes we just sit and watch the sunset   
CG: OH COME THE FUCK ON.   
AC: :33 < what?   
CG: WATCHING THE SUNSET TOGETHER?   
CG: THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST ROMANTIC THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH SOMEONE!   
CG: IT'S SO STEREOTYPICALLY ROMANTIC THAT ROMCOMS STOPPED USING IT AT SOME POINT BECAUSE THE IDEA HAD BEEN DONE TO DEATH.   
AC: :33 < what are you trying to say?   
CG: I THINK DAVE MIGHT PITY YOU.   
AC: :33 < not this again   
CG: I'M SERIOUS.   
AC: :33 < why are you always so insistent with your terminology?   
AC: :33 < if dave really does have f33lings fur me i doubt they have anything to do with pity   
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?   
AC: :33 < im talking about love!!!!   
CG: UGH. FIRST KANAYA AND NOW YOU.   
CG: AM I SERIOUSLY THE ONLY TROLL ALIVE THAT STILL BELIEVES IN PITY????   
AC: :33 < kanaya?   
AC: :33 < ive seen her around some   
AC: :33 < why is she all glowy?   
CG: OH YEAH. SHE'S A RAINBOW DRINKER NOW.   
AC: :33 < oooooooh   
AC: :33 < does she love someone?   
CG: SHIT. SHE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT.   
AC: :33 < come on karkat   
AC: :33 < pl333333333ase?   
CG: ...   
CG: OKAY, FINE.   
CG: I'LL JUST ASSUME SHE MEANT DON'T TELL ANYONE ALIVE.   
CG: SHE CONFIDED IN ME THAT SHE THINKS SHE MIGHT BE IN "LOVE" WITH THE ROSE HUMAN.   
AC: :33 < awwwwwwww!   
AC: :33 < they would make such a cute couple!   
AC: :33 < back when we were all alive i was really pulling for them   
AC: :33 < i mean they both really like books and reading and im purretty sure rose likes writing too   
AC: :33 < OH! maybe rose could write a story about a girl who falls in love with a rainbow drinker but is too afuraid to tell her and then she has kanaya read it and when she finishes she looks up and their eyes would meet and   
CG: WHOA THERE GIRL.   
CG: SLOW DOWN THE SHIPPING EXPRESS   
CG: THERE'S A FUCKING DERAILMENT HAZARD   
AC: :33 < what do you mean?   
CG: IT'S THIS WEIRD HUMAN CONSTRUCT CALLED NOT BEING A HOMOSEXUAL   
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, IT MEANS THAT ROSE PROBABLY ISN'T INTERESTED IN HER.   
AC: :33 < well...   
AC: :33 < i still think love will purrvail   
CG: I SWEAR I OUGHT TO KEEP YOUR IMAGINATION ON A LEASH FOR JUST THIS SORT OF SITUATION.   
AC: :33 < hehe it kinda ran with that idea didnt it   
CG: YES.   
CG: GOD WE'RE OFF TRACK WITH THIS CONVERSATION.   
CG: WHERE WERE WE?   
AC: :33 < dave   
CG: RIGHT.   
CG: AS I WAS SAYING   
CG: AND AS IS NOW PAINFULLY OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WITH A BRAIN   
CG: DAVE STRIDER IS DEEP IN THE SCARLET THROES FOR YOU.   
AC: :33 < im still not convinced   
CG: TELL YOU WHAT.   
CG: I'LL JUST DROP IT ENTIRELY.   
CG: IF I WAS WRONG THEN NOTHING HAPPENS.   
CG: IF I WAS RIGHT THEN IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER SINCE YOU DON'T RECIPROCATE.   
AC: :33 < ...   
CG: WAIT.   
CG: DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ACTUALLY CONSIDERING IT.   
AC: :33 < ...   
CG: OH SHIT.   
CG: OH FUCK. YOU'RE REALLY CONSIDERING IT, AREN'T YOU?   
AC: :33 < ...yeah   
CG: *SIGH*   
CG: LET'S HEAR IT THEN.   
AC: :33 < hear what?   
CG: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND DAVE. LET'S GO.   
AC: :33 < huh???   
CG: LISTEN, GIVING PEOPLE SOLID ROMANTIC ADVICE WAS PRACTICALLY MY ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY AS A LEADER.   
CG: I'M GOING TO HELP YOU SORT THIS OUT.   
AC: :33 < are you sure   
CG: YES. I'VE BEEN BEGGING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY AND KANAYA'S WAY TOO HESITANT TO TAKE MY ADVICE SERIOUSLY.   
CG: IT WOULD QUITE HONESTLY BE MY PLEASURE.   
AC: :33 < okay   
CG: EXPLAIN YOUR PREDICAMENT.   
AC: :33 < well dave and i have been hanging out fur a long time   
AC: :33 < and at furst we hit it off purretty well   
AC: :33 < weve become really good furiends and i enjoy spending time with him   
CG: OKAY. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THEN?   
AC: :33 < recently i've b33n enjoying it too much   
AC: :33 < i think i might actually be flushed fur him!   
AC: :33 < i never really thought about it before i talked to aradia the other day   
AC: :33 < but now that i have i think she might have b33n right   
AC: :33 < what should i do?   
CG: AS I SAID EARLIER, HE'S CLEARLY FLUSHED FOR YOU SO JUST TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL.   
AC: :33 < but   
AC: :33 < theres a reason i dont think dave is interested   
CG: AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE   
AC: :33 < well...he keeps trying to push me towards you!   
CG: HUH?   
AC: :33 < he found out about my crush on you   
AC: :33 < ever since hes been weirdly adamant about me getting together with you   
AC: :33 < ive b33n playing along since i guess id be okay with being your matesprit   
AC: :33 < but i think id be even happier with dave   
AC: :33 < i guess thats why i was somewhat relieved to hear you reject me   
CG: THIS DOES INDEED PRESENT A PROBLEM WITH MY THEORY.   
CG: UNLESS...   
CG: OH LORD.   
CG: HE MUST BE DOING THE KNIGHTY THING   
AC: :33 < the what????   
CG: IT MEANS PUTTING SOMEONE ELSE'S NEEDS IN FRONT OF YOURS IN THE MOST RETARDED WAY POSSIBLE.   
CG: LISTEN.   
CG: I DON'T KNOW IF DAVE TRULY PITIES YOU.   
CG: BUT IF HE DOES, I THINK HE HAS SOMEONE HE PITIES EVEN MORE.   
AC: :33 < who?   
CG: HIMSELF.   
CG: HE IS SO FULL OF SELF-PITY THAT HE'S CONVINCED HIMSELF THE ONLY WAY FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY IS FOR HIM TO SUFFER.   
CG: IT'S A WIGGLER LEVEL BULLSHIT MESSIAH COMPLEX THAT DOESN'T HELP ANYONE IN THE END.   
AC: :33 < how do you know so much about this?   
CG: UH   
CG: LET'S JUST SAY I'M EXTRAPOLATING BASED ON...PAST EXPERIENCE   
CG: I COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG MIND YOU   
CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT IT'S WHOLLY POSSIBLE THAT DAVE PITIES YOU   
AC: :33 < come on karkat   
AC: :33 < can you call it love? just this once?   
CG: FINE.   
CG: I THINK DAVE MIGHT LOVE YOU   
CG: BUT HE CAN NEVER TRULY "LOVE" YOU AS LONG AS HE PITIES HIMSELF.   
AC: :33 < hmmm   
AC: :33 < well thats a lot to think about   
AC: :33 < thanks fur being so patient with me!   
CG: NO PROBLEM AT ALL.   
CG: IT'S BEEN GREAT TO SEE YOU NEPETA.   
CG: I STILL DON'T SEE THE APPEAL OF THIS LOVE THING, THOUGH.   
AC: :33 < ask jade about it some time   
AC: :33 < she might be willing to demonstrate its appeal to you   
AC: :33 < i know she was more than happy to do so fur me!   
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEMONSTRATE   
AC: :33 < my lips are sealed ;33   
AC: :33 < ive got to go karkat   
AC: :33 < bye!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

***

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.   
TG: fuck off

turntechGodhead [TG] blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]

***

GC: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 D3L1C1OUS BURN1NG 4N1M4LS   
TG: yeah i thought so   
TG: so is that whats going on   
GC: WH4T?   
TG: is this some weird game involving flirtation and assassinations or whatever   
GC: OH, 1 DONT KNOW   
GC: M444444YB3...   
GC: SH33SH!   
GC: YOU 4ND H1M 4R3 4L1K3 1N SOM3 W4YS   
GC: R34LLY BLUNT 4ND L1T3R4L M1ND3D   
GC: 4ND QU1T3 FR4NKLY JUST 4 L1TTL3 B1T T4CTL3SS WH3N 1T COM3S TO M4N4G1NG TH3 L4D13S!   
GC: H3 4LW4YS H4D TO KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T TH3 D34L W4S 4ND 3X4CTLY WH4T MY MOT1V4T1ONS W3R3 4ND WH4T 3V3RYTH1NG M34NT 4ND BLUH BLUH BLUH   
GC: 1T T4K3S TH3 FUN OUT OF 3V3RYTH1NG!   
TG: thats pretty much the most insulting thing possible to say im anything like that raving gulf of shit   
TG: what in the name of fuck does nepeta see in that insult to humanity   
TG: whoops i mean trollity   
TG: trollocity?   
TG: trollishness?????   
TG: fuck it karkat is an insult to sentient life in general   
GC: D4V3 1S TH4T R34LLY YOU?   
TG: no its betty white   
TG: hold up for a sec   
TG: im eating a dead dream snickers bar   
TG: ...   
TG: okay now im dave again   
GC: >:/   
TG: what im not me when im hungry   
GC: TH4T W4S 4 S3R1OUS QU3ST1ON D4V3!   
TG: that was a serious answer   
TG: besides cant you smell me over here being my regular nonchalant dave self   
GC: SUR3 1 C4N   
GC: BUT TH3R3S 4 LOT OF D4V3S OUT H3R3   
GC: 4ND TH3Y 4LL SM3LL TH3 S4M3!   
GC: TH3 F4CT TH4T SOM3 OF TH3M 4R3 JUST PROJ3CT1ONS OF MY M1ND JUST COMPL1C4T3S M4TT3RS   
TG: yeah must be tough looking for the one true strider in a sea of posers   
TG: but if youre looking for the alpha dave youre shit out of luck   
TG: hes not me   
GC: 1M NOT LOOK1NG FOR TH3 4LPH4 D4V3   
TG: then who are you looking for   
GC: UH...TH3 D4V3 FROM TH3 CO1NFL1P   
TG: you mean the dave you killed?   
GC: >:[   
GC: Y3S   
TG: guess you arent shit out of luck then   
TG: there mustve been a last minute shipment of fuckin fairy dust and unicorn tears   
TG: cause youre sitting on a fucking stockpile of outrageous fortune right now   
GC: SO H3S YOU?   
TG: jesus fuck do i have to spell it out for you   
TG: yes im the dave you killed with your stupid coinflip stunt   
TG: now hurry up and gloat ive got moping to do   
GC: BLUH!!! STUP1D UNCOOL K1D   
GC: FORG1V3 M3 FOR W4NT1NG TO B3 4BSOLUT3LY SUR3 4BOUT 1T!   
GC: B3L13V3 1T OR NOT TH1S 1S K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L   
TG: whys that   
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 K1ND OF 4 B1G D34L TO M3!   
TG: well obviously   
GC: >:P   
GC: 1 H4V3NT S33N YOU 1N 4 WHOL3 SW33P YOU KNOW   
TG: i thought you were chilling with me on a comet or some shit   
TG: rose told me all about it   
GC: B3 TH4T 4S 1T M4Y   
GC: YOU 4ND H3 4R3 COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT P3OPL3   
TG: yeah bullshit   
TG: theres no huge difference between us   
TG: we used to not even be seperately definable people   
TG: even though i split off from him were still the same person   
TG: you could even say were like TWO SIDES OF THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING COIN   
TG: COULDNT YOU TEREZI???   
TG: ...   
TG: sorry about that   
TG: but   
TG: im sticking to what i said about us being nearly identical   
GC: R34LLY?   
GC: B3C4US3 TH3 D4V3 1 KNOW DO3SNT M4K3 OUTBURSTS L1K3 TH4T   
GC: 4ND H3 *D3F1N1T3LY* DO3SNT FL1P TH3 FUCK OUT 4ND COLDCLOCK P3OPL3   
TG: fuck   
TG: that literally just happened like five minutes ago   
TG: this is actually the room that happened in   
TG: howd you hear about that anyway   
GC: K4RK4T W4S B4S1C4LLY SCR34M1NG 4BOUT 1T FOR D4YS   
GC: SO 1 D1DNT 3X4CTLY H4V3 MUCH OF 4 CHO1C3 1N TH3 M4TT3R   
TG: then i guess i know how rose knew about me   
TG: theres one mystery solved that no one actually cared about   
GC: ROS3 T4LK3D TO YOU?   
GC: WH3N W4S TH1S?   
TG: a while back for me but for her it might not have happened yet   
TG: you know the drill   
GC: Y34H 1 DO   
GC: >;]   
TG: wait im confused   
GC: WH4T   
TG: why are you being so nice to me   
TG: you killed me shouldnt you be bragging about it like the bully in an eighties movie   
TG: only instead of taking my lunch money you took my life money   
GC: 1M NOT PROUD OF WH4T 1 D1D BLOCKH34D!   
TG: blockhead terezi   
TG: you sure you arent some cheesy 80s bullying psa stereotype   
GC: YOU R34LLY 4R3 COMPL3T3LY T4CTL3SS   
GC: TH1S 1S G3NU1N3 R3MORS3   
TG: ...oh   
TG: go on   
GC: 1 S3R1OUSLY R3GR3T H4V1NG DON3 TH4T TO YOU   
GC: 4LMOST 1MM3D14T3LY 4FT3R 1 S4W 1T H4PP3N 1 ST4RT3D TO CRY   
TG: then whyd you watch   
GC: 1 D1DNT W4NT TO D3NY TH3 R34L1TY OF WH4T 1 H4D DON3   
GC: FROM TH3 B3G1NN1NG 1 UND3RSTOOD TH4T MY D3MONSTR4T1ON WOULD L34D TO YOUR D34TH   
GC: SUR3 1 COULDV3 JUST 3X1T3D TH3 V13WPORT 4ND PR3T3ND3D 1T D1DNT M4TT3R   
GC: BUT 1T D1D! YOU 4R3 4 R34L P3RSON WHO 1 C4R3 4BOUT 4ND 1 L3T YOU D13   
GC: MY 4CT1ONS H4V3 CONS3QU3NC3S 4ND W4TCHING YOU D13 R3M1ND3D M3 OF TH4T   
TG: so thats a good reason to watch   
TG: but its also a good reason to not go through with it in the first place   
TG: so why did you do it   
GC: 1 W4S DOING 1T TO SHOW TH3 4LPH4 YOU TH4T GO1NG GOD T13R M34NT F4C1NG H1S D34TH   
GC: TH3 1NC1D3NT 4ND TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON 1 H4D W1TH H1M 4FT3RW4RD R34LLY 4FF3CT3D H1M 1N 4 GOOD W4Y   
GC: 4ND WH3N TH3 T1M3 C4M3 H3 F4C3D H1S D34TH 4ND 4SC3ND3D   
TG: so robbing me of the chance to go god tier was the only thing that got him there?   
TG: interesting   
TG: when do i get my consolation prize   
TG: ive faced my death havent i   
GC: H4V3 YOU?   
TG: uh yeah   
TG: i sorta died remember   
GC: >:/   
GC: TH3R3S 4 B1G D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N DY1NG 4ND F4C1NG YOUR D34TH   
TG: not seeing one   
GC: D4V3   
GC: HOW OFT3N DO YOU LOOK B4CK ON YOUR D34TH   
TG: uh   
TG: not really all that often   
TG: i mean being dead isnt a whole lot different from being alive so i just sort of ignore it   
GC: S33? TH1S 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT   
GC: YOU H4V3NT R34LLY F4C3D YOUR D34TH UNT1L YOU 4CC3PT 1TS R34L1TY   
TG: its not like im pretending im alive or anything   
TG: i get it im dead   
TG: but the whole thing was kind of unpleasant so id like to forget about it   
GC: L3T M3 PUT IT TH1S W4Y   
GC: WH4TS TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N TH1NGS TH4T H4V3 H4PP3N3D TO YOU 4ND TH1NGS TH4T H4V3NT?   
TG: um   
TG: is this a riddle?   
GC: NOT 4T 4LL   
GC: JUST S4Y HOW YOU C4N T3LL WH3TH3R SOM3TH1NG D1D OR D1D NOT H4PP3N TO YOU   
TG: well if it happened to me i would remember it   
GC: 3X4CTLY   
GC: 3V3NTS 1N YOUR P4ST L1V3 ON 1N YOUR M1ND   
GC: TO FORG3T 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 1S TO D3NY TH4T 1T H4PP3N3D OR TH4T 1T H4D 4NY 3FF3CT ON YOU   
GC: SO YOU 4R3NT F4C1NG D34TH 1F YOUR3 TRY1NG TO 1GNOR3 1TS R3L3V4NC3!   
GC: YOUR3 JUST H1D1NG FROM 1T L1K3 4 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R   
TG: so how do i do it   
TG: how do i face my death   
GC: 4LL YOU H4V3 TO DO 1S LOOK B4CK ON 1T 4ND CONS1D3R HOW 1TS 4FF3CT3D YOU 4ND YOUR D3C1S1ONS   
GC: SOM3T1M3S 1TS H3LPFUL TO OP3N UP TO SOM3ON3 4BOUT 1T   
TG: what do you mean   
GC: H4V3 YOU TOLD ANYON3 YOUV3 M3T HOW YOU D13D   
TG: yeah sure plenty of people   
GC: D1D YOU T3LL TH3M HOW 1T M4D3 YOU F33L   
TG: not really no   
TG: striders dont talk about their feelings   
GC: W3LL M4YB3 TH3Y SHOULD >:P   
GC: TH3Y COULD ST4RT R1GHT NOW 1F TH3Y W4NT   
TG: no offense terezi   
TG: but maybe id rather not talk about my death with the only other person involved   
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 F1GUR3D   
GC: B3S1D3S 1M SUR3 YOU WOUD MUCH R4TH3R T4LK 4BOUT 1T W1TH 4 C3RT41N SOM3ON3   
TG: who are you talking about   
GC: C4N YOU R34LLY B3 TH1S OBTUS3?   
GC: 1 D1DNT TH1NK 1T W4S...   
GC: P4WS1BLE >;]   
TG: oh fuck   
TG: how did you find out about her   
GC: YOU BL4BB3D 4BOUT 1T TO K4RK4T   
GC: JUST B3TW33N YOU 4ND M3 H3 1SNT TH3 B3ST 4T K33P1NG S3CR3TS H4H4H4   
TG: right   
TG: conversation over now cya   
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO NOT G3TT1NG OFF TH4T 34S1LY   
TG: can you blame me for trying?   
GC: Y3S!   
GC: 1 UND3RST4ND M4TT3RS OF TH3 H34RT 4R3 P3RSON4L TH1NGS   
GC: BUT SOM3T1M3S YOU N33D SOM3ON3 TO STR41GHT3N YOU OUT OV3R WH4TS 1MPORT4NT   
TG: so whats the plan   
TG: you saying youre gonna straighten out my love spine like some romantic chiropractor   
TG: forgive me for comparing you to him but isnt that karkats schtick   
GC: TH3R3S 4 D1FF3R3NC3 THOUGH   
TG: whats that   
GC: YOUR3 4CTU4LLY GO1NG TO L1ST3N TO WH4T 1 H4V3 TO S4Y   
TG: yeah   
TG: if karkat tried to give me instructions about romance im pretty sure itd end with one of us suplexing the other   
GC: H3H3H3   
TG: what   
GC: 1TS NOTH1NG   
GC: SO T3LL M3 4LL 4BOUT YOUR T1M3 W1TH M1SS L31JON   
TG: how much do you know   
GC: K4RK4T M3NT1ON3D 4 F3W TH1NGS BUT 1 W4SNT SUR3 WH1CH ON3S W3R3 TRU3   
GC: 31TH3R W4Y 1D R4TH3R H34R 1T FROM TH3 SOURC3   
TG: well   
TG: one day i was standing around in the bubble minding my own business   
TG: when all of a sudden someone tackled me   
GC: N3P3T4 R1GHT   
TG: yep   
GC: H3H3 SH3 DO3S TH4T 4 LOT   
GC: POUNC1NG 1S SORT OF H3R TH1NG   
TG: anyway we start hanging out and she lets it slip that she has a crush on karkat   
TG: so being the nice guy i am i decide to help her out a bit   
TG: there was a dead karkat spending most of his time with a dead you   
TG: and in a totally altruistic and justifiable way i said we should break them up   
GC: SO YOU COULD G3T YOUR H4NDS ON M3 R1GHT   
TG: you wish   
GC: >:/   
TG: okay yeah maybe i wouldnt have been opposed to such a thing happening   
TG: but then while we schemed i started becoming attached to her   
TG: around the time i talked to rose i was in full on denial mode about it but   
TG: i had fallen in love with nepeta   
GC: SO YOU PUT TH3 STR1D3R MOV3S ON H3R R1GHT?   
GC: NO ON3 C4N R3S1ST TH3 COOLK1DS N4TUR4L CH4RM >;]   
TG: no actually   
GC: WHY NOT?   
TG: beclaws   
TG: she obviously still wanted karkat   
GC: 4 P3RSONS T4ST3S C4N CH4NG3 D4V3   
TG: well hers didnt   
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW TH4T? D1D SH3 T3LL YOU   
TG: no   
TG: but i could tell she wasnt interested   
GC: HOW SO?   
TG: well we were still going ahead with the plans   
TG: she wouldve backed down if she changed her mind   
GC: 1M GU3SS1NG SH3 N3V3R TR13D TO B4CK DOWN TH3N   
TG: ...   
TG: n-no   
TG: not at all   
GC: >:?   
TG: i mean   
TG: she may or may not have technically speaking expressed doubt over whether or not it was wise to continue chasing after him   
GC: TH3N GOOD FOR YOU   
GC: 4LL YOU H4D TO DO W4S SM1L3 4ND NOD 4ND SH3 WOULDV3 G1V3N 1T UP RIGHT TH3N 4ND TH3R3   
TG: uh   
TG: i think you mean given up on it   
GC: DONT T3LL M3   
GC: YOU COULDNT 3V3N DO TH4T R1GHT COULD YOU   
TG: look she was obviously just saying that   
GC: WH4T M4K3S YOU SO SUR3   
TG: i dont know get off my fucking back   
TG: clearly she would only be happy with him   
TG: and all i really want is for her to be happy   
TG: so i convinced her to go for it   
GC: *S1GN*   
GC: D4V3   
GC: YOU 4R3 K1ND OF B31NG 4 COMPL3T3 FUCK1NG 1D1OT 4BOUT TH1S WHOL3 ORD34L   
GC: YOU S4Y SH3 COULD ONLY B3 H4PPY W1TH H1M   
GC: BUT H4V3 YOU 3V3N 4SK3D H3R WH3TH3R OR NOT TH4TS 4CTU4LLY TRU3?   
TG: no   
TG: i mean she hasnt said anything to that effect explicitly but   
GC: TH3N STOP PUTT1NG WORDS 1N H3R MOUTH!   
GC: YOU DONT G3T TO D3C1D3 WH4T M4K3S H3R H4PPY 4ND WH4T DO3SNT   
GC: ONLY SH3 DO3S   
GC: SO STOP 4SSUM1NG SH3 COULD N3V3R B3 H4PPY W1TH YOU   
TG: well sure id like to stop   
TG: but im just so sure she has no f33lings fur me   
GC: L1ST3N   
GC: YOU 4R3 L3TT1NG YOUR LOW 3XP3CT4T1ONS T41NT HOW YOU S33 TH3 WORLD   
GC: R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 TOLD YOU 4BOUT HOW MUCH OF R34L1TY 1S WH4TS 1N YOUR M1ND?   
TG: no   
GC: OH W41T   
GC: 1 ONLY H4D TH4T CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH TH3 OTH3R YOU D1DNT 1   
TG: gee thanks   
GC: SHUSH YOU   
GC: 4LL TH3 MOR3 R34SON FOR YOU TO H34R 1T 4G41N   
TG: okay fine im game   
TG: converse away   
GC: YOUR THOUGHTS H4V3 POW3R D4V3   
GC: YOU N33D TO S33 WH4TS 1N YOUR M1ND CL34RLY 4ND KNOW YOUR OWN THOUGHTS 4ND HOW TH3Y 4FF3CT YOU 4ND TH3 P3OPL3 4ROUND YOU   
GC: 1F YOU C4N DO TH4T TH3N YOU UND3RST4ND R34L1TY   
GC: 1F YOU DONT TH3N YOUR3 JUST RUNN1NG 4ROUND CONFUS3D   
TG: i dont get it   
GC: R34L1TY 1SNT SOM3TH1NG TH4T JUST H4PP3NS TO YOU!   
GC: 1TS SOM3TH1NG YOU 4R3 M4K1NG 3V3RY MOM3NT W1TH 3V3RY THOUGHT   
TG: oh ok   
TG: so i guess the question is   
TG: what now?   
GC: F1RST YOUV3 GOT TO STOP F33L1NG B4D FOR YOURS3LF   
GC: STOP TH1NK1NG TH4T YOUR W4NTS 4R3 UN4TT41N4BLE 4ND ST4RT FUCK1NG 4TT41N1NG TH3M   
GC: B3L13V1NG SOM3TH1NG 1S 1MPOSS1BL3 1S OFT3N M4K3S 1T SO   
GC: YOU H4V3 TO 4CC3PT SUCC3SS 4S 4 POSS1B1L1TY B3FOR3 YOU C4N B3 SUCC3SSFUL   
TG: so just be true to myself then   
TG: and thatll win nepetas heart   
GC: NOT N3C3SS4R1LY   
GC: BUT 1TS TH3 R1GHT TH1NG TO DO   
GC: 4ND QU1T3 HON3STLY 1TS W4Y MOR3 L1K3LY TO WORK TH4N WH4T3V3R TH3 H3LL YOUR PL4N W4S B3FOR3   
TG: i didnt really have one   
TG: or if i did it consisted mainly of hoping something incredible would happen   
GC: SOM3TH1NG 1NCR3D1BL3 C4N H4PP3N D4V3   
GC: BUT F1RST YOU H4V3 TO M4K3 1T H4PP3N >:]   
TG: im doing it man   
TG: im making this hapen   
TG: wait   
TG: fuck   
TG: fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK   
GC: WH4T 1S 1T   
TG: i just realized that i dont know where to find her   
GC: WH4T???   
TG: she ran off right before the big confrontation   
TG: who knows where she is now   
TG: i should have followed her   
TG: goddamnit i should have fucking followed her   
TG: SHIT i am such a fucking IDIOT   
GC: D4V3   
GC: C4LM DOWN   
GC: 1TS GONN4 B3 4LR1GHT   
TG: what are you talking about i may have just lost her for good   
GC: R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S41D 4BOUT YOUR THOUGHTS   
GC: 1F YOU M4K3 UP YOUR M1ND TH4T YOUR3 GO1NG TO F1ND H3R TH3N YOU W1LL   
TG: but what if i dont   
GC: 1F 1T T4K3S YOU 4 L1F3T1M3 TO F1ND H3R   
GC: W1LL 1T H4V3 B33N WORTH 1T?   
TG: fuck yes   
GC: TH3N YOU H4V3 NOTH1NG TO WORRY 4BOUT >;]   
TG: alright   
TG: im getting sort of a weird shenanigansy vibe from you about this   
TG: but alright   
TG: i should probably follow her then   
TG: after i leave you might wanna help out that guy in the corner covered in purple   
GC: OH GOD 1S TH4T 3R1D4N?   
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 SM3LL3D SOM3TH1NG GR4P3   
GC: HOW LONG H4S H3 B33N L1K3 TH4T?   
TG: fucked if i know   
TG: anyway   
TG: anything else you wanted to tell me before i go   
GC: TH3R3 W4S ON3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO ASK YOU 4BOUT 4CTU4LLY   
TG: shoot   
GC: W3LL   
GC: 1 HOP3 TH1S DO3SNT SOUND W31RD BUT...   
GC: 4R3 YOU H4PPY H3R3   
TG: you know me   
TG: happy as a clam on a tuesday   
TG: tuesdays are seafood night at the golden corral btw   
GC: UGHHHH 1 N3V3R G3T 4 STR41GHT 4NSW3R OUT OF YOU!   
GC: HOW 4BOUT W1TH N3P3T4   
GC: DO3S H4NG1NG OUT W1TH H3R M4K3 YOU H4PPY   
TG: honestly   
TG: i dont think ive ever been happier   
GC: R34LLY?   
TG: yeah   
TG: its kinda spooky   
TG: when im with her sometimes i forget about karkat   
TG: i forget about not being "with her" and i can just enjoy being with her   
TG: but the best times   
TG: the best times are when i forget about dave   
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N?   
TG: she can get me to stop worrying about whats cool or ironic or knowing my motivations and knowing everyone elses   
TG: when im with her i can just   
TG: be me   
GC: SO YOUR3 R34LLY H4PPY H3R3?   
TG: absolutely   
GC: >:]   
GC: YOU DONT KNOW HOW GL4D 1 4M TO H3R3 TH4T   
TG: i mean honestly?   
TG: i kinda feel bad for the alpha dave hes missing out on some grade a shit   
TG: picking bad heads was probably the luckiest decision of my life   
GC: 1M GONN4 L3T YOU GO NOW   
GC: BUT JUST TO L3T YOU 1N ON 4 L1TTL3 S3CR3T   
GC: LUCK H4D NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH 1T >;]   
TG: thanks terezi   
GC: BY3 D4V3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: NOW 3R1D4N   
GC: 1 C4N T3LL YOUR3 CONFUS3D 4ND 1 W1LL GL4DLY H3LP YOU SORT YOURS3LF OUT   
GC: BUT TH3N 1 N33D YOUR H3LP   
GC: W3 N33D TO F1ND F3F3R1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Formatted and uploaded all the stuff I already had written. Now to start on the next chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

Dave had a nagging fear.

It wasn't the fear that he would never find Nepeta. That particular fear didn't nag him so much as it haunted his every thought as he combed the bubble over looking for any trace of her. Even as it became clear to Dave that finding her would be extremely difficult, one idea refused to leave his head.

He feared that finding her would be the easy part.

After walking down a long corridor, Dave entered a large, unfamiliar room. He felt the ground shake beneath him and braced himself against a wall as the dreambubble seemed to shift around him. It felt as if reality itself were being moved, and yet the sensation ended as quickly as it began. Dave nearly recognized his new surroundings by the pile of robot parts in front of him.

He could suddenly make out the sound of Nepeta's voice behind him. "I've got to go, Karkat. Bye!" she cried. He turned around just in time to see Nepeta flying through the air at him, yelling "Dave!" The pounce hit the target ( _as it always does_ , he appraised), sending the pair sliding back through the pile of robotics. 

"Oof." Dave reeled, "You greet everyone this way or just the pretty ones?" Nepeta smirked and rolled her eyes. "You don't know how glad I am to see you," he continued. "I've been looking all over for...for--" Dave cleared his throat. "Hey Nepeta," he started.

"Yeah?"

"You realize you're still..." Dave motioned to his surroundings.

Nepeta scrunched up her nose. "Still what?"

"On top of me, Coolcat."

"Oh...right." Nepeta blushed as she stood up and helped Dave do the same. "Sorry about that."

Dave brushed himself off. "It's cool," he said, looking around the room. "Hey, my feet would be killing me if I weren't already dead. How about we take a seat and catch up?"

"That sounds purrfect!" Nepeta skipped over to the robot pile and took a seat. Dave just stared at her. "What?" she asked, patting the area next to her. "Come on, it's more comfy than it looks."

"If you say so." Dave sat next to her, scattering a few pieces of scrap metal in the process. "So. What have you been up to?"

"Not much. I talked to Karkat."

 _Uh-oh._ Dave fidgeted, trying to find a way to sit on the pile without a loose screw digging into his spine. "Really? How uh...How did that go?"

"It went alright. You're driving him crazy on the meteor appurrently."

"Heh. I'm sure the feeling is mutual." He grabbed the back of his throat before asking if it was awkward at all.

"Not really," she replied. "He said he felt responsible for my death but I told him that was silly." 

Dave looked down. "I take it you've gotten over the things he said?"

"Purretty much." Nepeta looked to the side. "I mean it's his choice, really. He's purrfectly entitled to not love me."

"What does this mean for our plans, then?" Dave lay down with his arms behind his head. Seeing her chance, Nepeta snatched away his shades and put them on. She proceeded to mimic Dave by lying back with her arms in a similar position. Dave sat up and turned towards her, arching an eyebrow. "You are so cool right now," he teased. "I'm totally jealous." 

"You know it!" She stuck her tongue out before sitting back up. She took off the shades and put them in her coat pocket. "But to answer your question...I'm not so sure we need plans anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't want to be Karkat's matespurrit anymore." She crossed her arms. "And not just beclaws he would be happier with someone else. Karkat's a great guy and all--"

"Says you," Dave interrupted.

Nepeta ignored him. "But I decided he isn't worth spending furever trying to get him. The infatuation is honestly over."

" _Fur_ real?" Dave asked.

Nepeta grinned. "Fur real. I'm done with living in the past. I think I'm ready to move on." She unfolded her arms and moved them to her sides, where one of her hands came to rest on Dave's. 

For a moment, neither of them said anything. They sat on the pile, hands touching. 

Dave finally took a deep breath and faced Nepeta, grasping her hands gently. Looking her straight in the eyes, he said her name softly. "Nepeta." 

Her mouth began to gape as she waited intently for him to continue.

Dave closed his eyes. He had been getting better at remembering up events and locations. "I've got something I need to tell you," he said. The room shifted to LOHAC as a small blue bubble appeared to his left. "But first I gotta show you something."

Nepeta grinned with anticipation. "Whatefur could it be?" she asked.

"It's how I died."

The eagerness faded from her face. "Are you sure?" she asked.

Dave swallowed. "Yeah. I'm sure. I want to move on just as much as you do, but as long as I keep looking towards the past I won't be able to. In any case, I think you deserve to know how I died." He stood up. "Are you ready?"

Nepeta steeled herself. "Okay."

Dave interacted with the bubble, causing a set of stairs to appear. He began to speak as he led Nepeta down to his quest bed.

"It all started when I was bothering Terezi about God Tier. She kept pushing it off with vague horseshit about me not being ready to find out yet. At one point she got fed up with my pestering and told me she was going to flip a coin to let me decide how to find out."

Nepeta giggled a little before catching herself. "That sure sounds like something she'd do." She took a seat on the quest bed. Dave joined her and continued.

"She gave me two choices: I could find out now or find out later. I had to assign one choice to good heads and one choice to bad heads. I picked bad heads to be find out now and that's what came up." Dave's clothes were swapped out for his felt suit as he lay down on the quest bed. "Then she made me put on this ugly fucking rag and go to sleep here."

Dave stood up, walked a few steps away from Nepeta, and cleared his voice. "When I woke up..." He trailed off as his throat started to get bloody.

Nepeta gasped and got to her feet. She stepped towards Dave and asked what had happened.

"Jack happened." Dave mind-changed into his regular clothes and the blood disappeared from his neck just in time for Nepeta to grab him and hug him. Dave returned the embrace, taking Nepeta's head onto his shoulder.

The din of grinding gears and flowing lava filled the room. The warmth of the embrace was amplified by the glow of the lava floes. 

In the distance a nakking could be heard.

"As much as I want this moment this moment to last forever," Dave finally said, "I've got something I think you'd like to hear." _This is it Dave. The moment you've been waiting for. The moment when you finally tell her how you feel._

"Wait," Nepeta said. 

_...god dammit._

"You showed me how you died..." She broke away as she continued to speak. "It's only fair I show you how I died." The heat of Dave's planet was swapped for the cool air of the meteor as Nepeta remembered her penultimate moments.

Dave moved to console her, nearly tripping over a broken bow which lay on the ground. "You don't have to do this for me, Nepeta."

"I'm not," she replied. "I need to do this fur me. It's like you said, I have to face up to my death before I can move furward."

"And you're sure you want to show me?"

Nepeta nodded. "It started in here when I was talking to Equius."

"Your moirail, right?" Dave asked.

"Mmmhmm." Nepeta led him around a shattered glass of milk and towards a door. "Karkat had just told him to find Gamzee and subdue him. He told me to hide in this room over here."

She opened the door and Dave walked through. His eyes were greeted with a giant drawing of himself holding hands with someone. 

"... _Tavros?_ " He turned to Nepeta, his eyebrows clearly starved for answers. "Really?"

"Heehee. I almost furgot about that." Nepeta ambled in and closed the door behind her. "I really used to think you two would make purretty good matespurrits."

"Yeah...no thank you." Dave turned his attention toward literally anything else and looked at the other drawings. "Who's this with Rose?"

"Kanaya. I heard she's a rainbow drinker now! Isn't that cool?"

" _She_ , huh?" Dave scratched his head. "You know, I never really pegged Rose as a skirt chaser, but it makes a lot of sense."

Nepeta grabbed him by the shirt sleeve and started to drag him down the hall. "We'll have plenty of time fur shipping later, Dave! Now you hush about my shipping wall, okay?"

"Fine, fine." Dave shrugged. They passed a few more ships on the way to the end of the hall. One with Terezi, one with Jade, one with John, one with crates..."Say, why's this one all covered up?"

"Shhhh!" Nepeta's face flushed with a tinge of olive. "That's not impurrtant now! I'm trying to tell you about this grate. I was tired of waiting around, so I started to crawl through here." She removed the cover and got on all fours.

"Uh...can we skip to the part where I don't have to crawl through air ducts?"

"Oh, right. That would purrobably be a lot simpler, wouldn't it?" Nepeta stood up and dusted herself off. "Anyway, when I got to the end, I looked through another grate and saw...well..." 

The room shifted again. Dave saw a troll with one broken horn lying on the ground by a broken bow. His face was blue, his knee had been arrowed, and the corners of his mouth were turned up in a bizarre grin. "Is this...?" he asked.

She nodded. "Equius. My moirail. Gamzee had done this. I pounced on him, but he was too quick and--" Nepeta turned her gaze downward. 

"I'm sorry." Dave said, bringing a hand to Nepeta's shoulder.

"It's alright. I'm sure Equius would've done the same fur me."

"You haven't really told me much about him."

Nepeta looked back up. "That's beclaws I nefur liked to dwell on it when you were around. Thinking about Equius always made me sad since I haven't seen him in any of the bubbles yet." She smiled. "But you always made me happy. When I was with you, I could just furget about the bad things and enjoy myself. So, thanks fur that, Dave."

Dave grinned in return. "It's funny. I was just about to tell you the same thing. Are you ready to hear what I have to say?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Nepeta. I wanted to tell you that I..." Dave looked behind Nepeta.

"Yes?"

He saw a figure rise behind her--a troll with eyes of white. "I...uh..." The troll's face drained of blue and his mouth returned to normal. Dave stared at him, mouth agape.

"What's wrong?"

Dave raised an arm and pointed. "Uh...behind you, Nepeta."

She turned around to see a very confused and very dead Equius. 

"Nepeta, is that you? I thought I ordered you to hide." He gazed behind her at the human. "And what is he doing here?"

Nepeta was overcome with joy. "Equius! It's really you! I've got so much to tell you and explain." Addressing Dave, she asked, "Do you think we could get a moment?"

Dave hardly had a choice, it seemed. "Sure thing," he muttered.

Nepeta hugged him, whispering, "Thanks so much." 

Patting her back, Dave replied, "No problem at all." 

"We'll be quick, Dave, I purromise!" Nepeta broke the hug and walked towards a transportalizer with Equius. "Oh yeah, before I furget, you can have these back!" Nepeta tossed the shades to Dave as she reached the transportalizer. Equius entered afterward, shooting Dave a glance as he unceremoniously stepped on the pad. 

Dave caught the shades. He had just been cock-blocked for what he hoped was the last time. Though a little wary of Equius, he was altogether quite thankful for the brief pause. Seeing the pool of blood on the floor, Dave decided not to sit down. He put his shades back on and sighed in relief. After all, the worst was behind him. What comes next is the easy part.

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I have most of Chapter 12 done, so expect it within a week or two.
> 
> In the meantime, I made a tumblr (scratchingpostmortem.tumblr.com) for you to ask questions and pester me to finish the next chapter and stuff.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First pesterlog is from http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004138  
> Second pesterlog starts from http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=004725

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: HOW 1S H3   
AA: 0k   
AA: he cant walk th0ugh   
AA: pr0bably never will   
GC: TH1S 1S 4 DR34MBUBBL3 R1GHT?   
AA: o_o   
AA: indeed it is!   
AA: some of you guys are pretty good at figuring that out   
AA: takes some of the fun out of it honestly   
GC: SORRY 4BOUT TH4T   
AA: ill live!   
AA: and i will never get tired of saying that either   
GC: >:]   
GC: 1 KNOW 1TS ONLY B33N 4 F3W W33KS BUT   
GC: 1 M1SS YOU 4LR34DY 4R4D14   
GC: YOU S41D W3 M1GHT CROSS P4THS W1TH YOU BUT 1 W4S HOP1NG 1T WOULD H4PP3N 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 OFT3N >:[   
AA: a few weeks since what?   
GC: S1NC3 W3 TOOK TH3 M3T3OR 4ND L3FT YOU B3H1ND   
AA: oh of course   
AA: sorry its just that its only been a couple days from my perspective   
GC: T1M3 SH1T TH3N?   
AA: yes maam!   
GC: GOT 1T   
GC: TH4NKS TO D4V3 1 H4V3 4 B1T OF 3XP3R13NC3 H4NDL1NG T3MPOR4L M3CH4N1CS   
GC: 1 TH1NK 1V3 L34RN3D MOR3 4BOUT T1M3 TH4N 1 L34RN3D 4BOUT MY OWN 4SP3CT >:/   
AA: dont sell yourself short   
AA: in fact a great deal of the art of maintaining stable loops comes from understanding how a persons decisions are affected by the decisions of his contemporaneous past and future selves   
AA: so if you werent such a great seer of mind im sure the pile of dead daves would never have stopped getting taller   
GC: TH4NKS FOR TH3 COMPL1M3NT BUT   
GC: TH3 D34D D4V3 P1L3 W4S ST1LL H1GH3R TH4N 1 WOULD H4V3 L1K3D >:[   
AA: what do you mean?   
GC: 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT ON3 D4V3 1N P4RT1CUL4R WHOS3 D34TH 1 H4D 4 H4ND 1N   
GC: W3LL WHOS3 D34TH 1 MOR3 OR L3SS C4US3D R34LLY   
AA: might this have been the coin flip incident?   
GC: >:O   
GC: HOW D1D YOU KNOW???   
AA: it was just a guess   
AA: honestly terezi theres hardly an event in your lifetime that couldnt be called the coin flip incident   
GC: COM3 ON 1 DONT DO 1T TH4T MUCH   
GC: ...   
GC: DO 1?   
AA: no im just messing with you!   
AA: the truth is i just met that same dave not too long ago   
GC: R34LLY?   
GC: WH4T D1D YOU DO WH3N YOU M3T H1M?   
AA: i talked him through the accommodation process and helped him realize his role now that he is divorced from the alpha timeline   
GC: HOW W4S H3?   
AA: hmm?   
GC: W4S H3 4NGRY OR 4NYTH1NG?   
AA: oh   
AA: well youre the seer of mind   
AA: what do you think he was?   
GC: BL4RGHHH!!!   
GC: 1TS SO FRUSTR4T1NG WH3N P3OPL3 US3 MY T1TL3 4S 4N 3XCUS3 FOR ST4RT1NG 4N 4NNOY1NG GU3SS1NG G4M3   
AA: my bad   
GC: BUT 1LL PL4Y 4LONG B3C4US3 1 L1K3 YOU SO MUCH 4R4D14 >:]   
AA: yay!   
GC: HMM   
GC: 1 W4NT TO S4Y H3 UND3RST4NDS WHY 1 D1D 1T   
GC: BUT 1F H3 W3R3 M4D 4T M3 H3D B3 TOO MUCH OF 4 COOLK1D TO 4DM1T 1T   
GC: UGH SOM3T1M3S D4V3 1S JUST TOO COOL FOR H1S OWN GOOD   
AA: maybe you could try apologizing   
GC: 1 4POLOG1Z3D TO TH3 4LPH4 D4V3 4BOUT 1T 4ND H3 S33M3D TO FORG1V3 M3   
GC: BUT TH4T DO3SNT R34LLY COUNT   
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3NT M3T TH3 D4V3 1 K1LL3D 1N 4NY OF TH3 DR34MBUBBL3S Y3T   
AA: would you like to meet him?   
GC: UMMMM...1M NOT SUR3 1 DO   
GC: 1 M34N 1V3 THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T 4 LOT   
GC: BUT WH4T WOULD 1 3V3N S4Y???   
GC: "H3Y COOLK1D SORRY 4BOUT K1LL1NG YOU L1K3 TH4T"?   
GC: "WH3N YOU D13D 1 F3LT R34LLY SH1TTY 4ND CR13D 4 BUNCH 4ND 1 ST1LL F33L R34LLY SH1TTY 4BOUT 1T 4ND CRY 4 L1TTL3 SOM3T1M3S"????   
GC: TH3N H3 WOULD 31TH3R FORG1V3 M3 OR NOT   
GC: 4ND TH3N 1 WOULD L34V3 4ND PROB4BLY N3V3R M33T H1M 4G41N!   
GC: SO 1M NOT SUR3 1 W4NT TO M33T H1M JUST Y3T   
AA: its okay   
AA: if you change your mind just let me know!   
AA: and if you cant find me we have another friend who should be willing to help   
AA: she ought to be able to hook you up hehe   
GC: >:?   
GC: W41T DO YOU M34N F3F3R1   
AA: mmmhmm   
GC: HOW 1S SH3 4NYW4Y?   
AA: she took dying pretty well actually   
AA: she might be even more EXCIT--ED than when she was alive!   
AA: and her communion with the gods remains strong   
AA: if you ever want to meet someone in a bubble im sure feferi would be able to talk the gods into arranging a rendezvous!   
GC: UH...1M NOT R34DY R1GHT NOW   
GC: BUT 1LL K33P TH4T 1N....................................   
AA: mind   
GC: ..............................   
AA: mind!   
GC: ...................   
AA: mind then angry winking emoticon   
GC: ..........   
AA: mind   
GC: ...............   
AA: mind hatewink lets go!   
GC: .......   
GC: ....   
GC: ...   
AA: oh my!   
GC: ..   
GC: .   
GC: M1ND >;]   
GC: H3H3H3   
AA: so what is holding you back?   
AA: why arent you ready to meet him?   
GC: 1D L1K3 TO S4Y 1TS B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 HOW H3D R34CT   
GC: BUT 1V3 THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T SO M4NY T1M3S TH4T 1V3 R34L1Z3D H3LL R34CT TH3 S4M3 NO M4TT3R WH4T!   
GC: H3 WOULD G1V3 M3 4 H4RD T1M3 4BOUT 1T FOR 4 WH1L3 4ND TH3N S4Y whatever its cool   
GC: H1S COOL GUY ROUT1N3 WOULD ROB M3 OF 4NY TRU3 CLOSUR3 B3C4US3 1D H4V3 NO W4Y TO KNOW 1F H1S FORG1V3N3SS W4S S1NC3R3   
AA: then what would give you closure?   
GC: 1 DONT KNOW...   
GC: 1 GU3SS MOR3 TH4N 4NYTH1NG 1D JUST L1K3 TO KNOW TH4T H3S H4PPY   
GC: H3 K1ND4 3ND3D UP W1TH TH3 SH1TTY 3ND OF TH3 T1M3ST1CK   
GC: OR TH3 SH1TTY S1D3 OF TH3 M1NDCO1N 1N TH1S C4S3   
GC: 1 4RB1TR4R1LY TOOK SO MUCH 4W4Y FROM H1M JUST TO PROV3 4 PO1NT   
GC: 1T W4S UNJUST! TH4TS WH4T 1 R34LLY H4T3   
GC: 1T WOULD M34N SO MUCH TO M3 TO B3 4BL3 TO G1V3 SOM3TH1NG B4CK TO B4L4NC3 OUT WH4T 1 ROBB3D H1M OF   
GC: TH3N JUST1C3 WOULD TRULY B3 S3RV3D >:]   
GC: BUT HOW WOULD 1 3V3N GO 4BOUT DO1NG TH4T?   
AA: you could ask me to do something for him   
AA: if i am a true maid of the furthest ring then i must be willing to do anything to service the dead   
GC: >:O   
AA: within reason of course! and nothing like that!   
GC: TOO L4T3 1M 4LR34DY P1CTUR1NG 1T   
GC: SO MUCH R3D!!!!!   
GC: JUST 4N 3XPLOS1ON OF CH3RRY 4ND R4SPB3RRY   
GC: YUMMM >;]   
GC: SO D3C4D3NT!   
AA: terezi!   
GC: SORRY   
GC: GU3SS 1 GOT C4RR13D 4W4Y TH3R3   
AA: ill say   
GC: 1TS YOUR3 F4ULT   
GC: YOU R34LLY SHOULDNT G1V3 M3 THOS3 K1NDS OF 1D34S >:]   
GC: B3S1D3S 1 W4S TH1NK1NG OF SOM3TH1NG MOR3 P3RM4N3NT   
GC: H3S GONN4 B3 D34D FOR 4 LONG T1M3 SO 4NY ON3 3V3NT L1K3 TH4T WOULD B3 FORGOTT3N 3V3NTU4LLY   
GC: BUT 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1 COULD G1V3 H1M TH4T COULD L4ST FOR3V3R   
AA: hmm maybe i could...   
AA: gosh this is a weird way of putting it but...   
AA: try to hook him up with someone?   
GC: >:O   
GC: > :O   
GC: >  :O   
GC: TH4T 1S HOW F4R MY 3Y3BROWS 4R3 FROM MY H34D R1GHT NOW   
GC: DUD3 COM3 G3T TH3 RUL3R CH3CK TH1S OUT H4H4H4   
AA: you put those eyebrows down this instant and let me explain myself missy!   
AA: i think that companionship is invaluable in the afterlife   
AA: having a partner to keep one company can assist the coping process   
AA: no matter how much i want to i cant help everyone all the time   
AA: even if i could it might not be a good idea   
AA: having someone to talk to can help people discover their purpose here much better than me explaining everything would   
GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T M4K3S S3NS3 BUT   
GC: YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT SH1PP1NG!   
GC: 1 M1GHT 3XP3CT TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG FROM N3P3T4   
GC: BUT YOU 4R4D14???   
AA: funny you should mention her   
AA: she kind of gave me the idea   
GC: ..............   
AA: but not directly!   
AA: after the alpha nepeta died i helped her cross over like i later did for coinflip dave   
AA: she took it alright but she still seemed kind of sad   
AA: but she absolutely lit up when i introduced her to a dead dreamjade!   
AA: nepeta was so happy to have a friend   
AA: i dont know that she would fare so well on her own   
AA: and i shudder to think what might happen if jade were to leave her   
AA: the last thing anyone deserves when they die is loneliness   
AA: sure they can cope for a while by reliving memories with projections of old friends   
AA: but they need to move on eventually   
GC: MOV3 ON?   
AA: yes   
AA: one thing ive learned here is this   
AA: just as the living grieve for the dead   
AA: the dead grieve for the living   
AA: perhaps more so!   
AA: thats why they ought to have a friend to help them accept the role fate has assigned to them   
AA: and should they find love then thats all the better as they can enjoy it free of the pressures of time   
GC: HMM...   
GC: YOUR 4RGUM3NT 1S STRONG   
GC: BUT YOU S33M TOO GUNGHO 4BOUT TH1S PL4N CONS1D3R1NG YOU C4M3 UP W1TH 1T ONLY R3C3NTLY   
AA: well...   
AA: i might maybe have seen a future self or two carrying around   
AA: a checklist   
AA: which i might maybe have taken a peek at   
GC: OH J3GUS YOUR3 GO1NG TO SH1P TH3M 4LL 4R3NT YOU   
GC: TH3 CUT3 L1TTL3 SH3PH3RD OF TH3 D34D 1S P41R1NG UP TH3 CORPS3S OF H3R FLOCK   
GC: 1TS 1N3V1T4BL3 >:]   
AA: i havent even started yet!   
AA: besides im sure future aradia is only shipping friendships   
AA: probably   
AA: its up to the pairs themselves whether they want to take it further   
AA: anyway you havent given me an answer yet!   
GC: 4N 4NSW3R TO WH4T?   
AA: whether you want me to pair up dave with a new friend   
GC: W41T...N3W?   
AA: uh   
GC: SO YOU H4V3 4LR34DY ST4RT3D!   
AA: yep you caught me   
AA: i introduced him to a dead troll already   
GC: H3H3H3   
GC: WHOS TH3 LUCKY C4D4V3R?   
AA: tavros!   
GC: ..........   
GC: >:/   
AA: what?   
GC: S3R1OUSLY 4R4D14? T4VROS?   
AA: i thought they were kinda cute together   
AA: they both rap   
GC: BUT TH3YR3 OTH3RW1S3 1NCOMP4T1BL3   
GC: PO3TRY SL4MS 4LON3 4R3 4 PR3TTY SH1TTY FOUND4T1ON FOR 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P   
GC: 3SP3C14LLY WH3N TH3 SL4M PO3MS 4R3 TH3MS3LV3S PR3TTY SH1TTY   
AA: ...   
AA: yeah youre right   
GC: H3Y......   
GC: TH1S M4Y JUST B3 4 CON1NC1D3NC3 BUT WH3N 1 W4S SHOW1NG D4V3 4ROUND TH3 M3T3OR TH3 OTH3R D4Y W3 C4M3 4CROSS N3P3T4S SH1PP1NG W4LL   
GC: 4ND SH3 W4S SH1PP1NG THOS3 TWO 4S M4T3SPR1TS   
AA: oh yeah   
AA: i saw that when nepeta was remembering how she died   
AA: to be honest thats why i put dave with tavros   
GC: >:/   
AA: who better to trust than the shipping expert?   
GC: YOUR COMMON S3NS3 >:P   
AA: so tavros is off the table then   
GC: Y3P   
AA: hmmmmmm...   
AA: what about nepeta?   
GC: W1TH D4V3???   
GC: H4H4H4 YOUR3 OFF1C14LLY OFF TH3 D33P 3ND NOW   
AA: no im serious   
AA: i think they can work   
GC: TH3YR3 SO D1FF3R3NT THOUGH!   
GC: 4T L34ST H3 4ND T4VROS WOULD H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO BOND OV3R   
AA: well just what makes you so compatible with dave?   
AA: i dont see you rapping or doing things ironically   
GC: W3LL NO BUT   
GC: 1 GU3SS TH3 TH1NG W3 R34LLY BOND3D OV3R W4S   
GC: 3XCH4NG1NG SH1TTY COM1CS   
AA: o_o   
GC: WH4T   
AA: you dont remember?   
AA: nepeta draws comics too you sillyhead!   
GC: OH   
GC: 1 KN3W TH4T   
GC: 1 JUST DONT TH1NK TH4TLL B3 3NOUGH   
GC: B3C4US3 D4V3 PROB4BLY WOULDNT PUT UP W1TH 4LL OF H3R RP1NG   
AA: you roleplayed with nepeta though   
AA: surely tolerating it isnt impossible   
GC: TH4TS B3C4US3 1 W4S DO1NG 1T F4C3T1OUSLY   
AA: is that so?   
AA: because the terezi i remember sure seemed to be enjoying herself on all those memos   
GC: W3LL Y34H   
GC: 4FT3R 4 WH1L3 1T ST4RT3D B31NG FUN!   
GC: H3R3S TH3 TH1NG 4BOUT N3P3T4   
GC: SH3S SO SW33T 4ND 4DOR4BL3 1TS 4LMOST 1MPOSS1BL3 TO B3 M34N SP1R1T3D TO H3R   
GC: YOU C4N ST4RT OUT W1TH WH4T3V3R JUST1F1C4T1ON YOU WANT FOR HUMOR1NG H3R SH3N4N1G4NS   
GC: BUT WH3N SH3 ST4RTS SM1L1NG 4T YOU 4ND B31NG R1D1CULOUS TH4TLL GO STR41GHT OUT TH3 W1NDOW   
GC: 4LL YOUR3 L3FT W1TH 1S 4N 3XCUS3   
GC: SH3 W1LL S33 R1GHT THROUGH 1T 4ND C4LL YOU OUT ON 1T TOO   
GC: 4ND SH3S TOO F13RC3 TO 3V3R DROP TH3 1SSU3   
AA: sounds like it would be difficult to maintain any sort of facade around her   
GC: 3X4CTLY!   
GC: 1TS L1K3 YOU C4NT PULL TH3 WOOL OV3R H3R 3Y3S   
GC: SH3 H4S TH1S W31RD 4B1L1TY TO SN1FF OUT YOUR TRU3 F33LINGS NO M4TT3R HOW H4RD YOU TRY TO COV3R TH3M UP W1TH F4C3T1OUSN3SS OR   
GC: ...   
AA: go on   
GC: OR   
GC: 1RONY   
GC: OR SH4D3S OR CONFUS1NG M3T4PHORS OR 1NS1NC3R3 S1NC3R1TY OR B31NG SUCH 4 COOLK1D 4LL TH3 T1M3   
GC: GODD4MN1T 4R4D14! SH3S FUCK1NG P3RF3CT FOR H1M!   
AA: i told you!   
GC: W3 N33D TO M4K3 TH1S H4PP3N SO B4DLY   
GC: C4N YOU G3T TH3 TWO OF TH3M TO M33T?   
AA: look whos gung ho now   
GC: B3C4US3 1TS 4 GR34T 1D34!   
AA: i kind of agree   
AA: youre saying you want me to make it so dave and nepeta meet in the afterlife   
GC: PL34S3?   
AA: ok   
AA: but only because i like you so much terezi haha   
GC: SW33T   
GC: TH1S SH1P W1LL B3 TH3 R1GHT3OUS H4MM3R OF JUST1C3 TH4T W1LL G1V3 TH3 D4V3 1 K1LL3D TH3 4FT3RL1F3 H3 D3S3RV3S   
AA: will that complete your order?   
GC: Y3S NOW G3T OUT TH3R3 4ND SH1P THOS3 TWO   
AA: right now?   
GC: OF COURS3   
GC: W41T   
GC: ON3 MOR3 TH1NG 4R4D14   
AA: yes   
GC: 1F TH3Y DO 3ND UP TOG3TH3R   
GC: W1LL YOU COM3 4ND T3LL M3?   
AA: of course!   
GC: TH4NKS   
GC: 4ND F33L FR33 TO DROP BY TH3 M3T3OR 4NY...   
AA: time?   
GC: 3X4CTLY >:]   
AA: got it   
AA: oh   
AA: i just thought of something   
GC: WH4T?   
AA: what if something happens   
AA: like if theres some obstacle threatening to keep them apart   
GC: HMMMM   
GC: 1 GU3SS YOULL H4V3 TO 1NT3RV3N3   
AA: lets hope it doesnt come to that   
GC: Y34H   
GC: 1M SUR3 YOULL B3 4BL3 TO H4NDL3 1T   
AA: thanks   
GC: NO PROBL3M   
GC: NOW SHOO!   
AA: alright   
AA: bye for now terezi   
GC: L4T3R M3G1DO   
AA: o_-   
GC: >;]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

***

TG: man   
TG: im not that strong ok   
TG: just cause i broke a cheap ass sword doesnt make me the fucking hulk   
CT: D --> Oh   
TG: what did you go around breaking a bunch of swords too   
CT: D --> No   
CT: D --> Bows   
TG: how the fuck do you even wield a broken bow   
TG: did you go around clubbing shit with the two halves   
CT: D --> Yes   
CT: D --> Sometimes   
CT: D --> What are you doing   
TG: whats it look like   
CT: D --> Careful   
CT: D --> About succumbing to these sorts of destructive   
CT: D --> Urges   
CT: D --> Attra%ion is a powerful thing   
TG: wait did you just say attraction   
CT: D --> Indeed   
TG: and seeing as how you didnt say that last time   
TG: then you must know this conversation already happened   
CT: D --> Yes   
CT: D --> Though I had e%pected your ignorance of that fact   
CT: D --> I must admit I know little about the mechani% of these bubbles   
TG: seriously???   
TG: ok thats it   
TG: i refuse to do any more of this playalong bullshit   
TG: this isnt that inception movie the bubbles not gonna fuckin collapse if the other guy figures out its a dream too soon   
TG: i swear im going mister charles on the next asshole who talks to me   
CT: D --> References to your questionable earth cinema aside   
CT: D --> I feel I ought to properly introduce myself   
CT: D --> My name is Equius Zahhak   
TG: ...   
TG: so YOURE nepetas pale bf then   
CT: D --> In more e%act terms, I am her moirail   
CT: D --> But yes   
TG: fuck my luck   
TG: eye my luck in a bar use a corny pickup line on my luck get my luck absolutely fucking hammered take my luck back to your shitty apartment and just FUCK my goddamn luck   
CT: D --> That is a ludi% proposal   
CT: D --> I udderly refuse   
TG: here i was hoping nepetas moirail wouldnt be a fucking asshole   
TG: and it turns out hes actually the worst fucking asshole   
TG: i dont see you anywhere   
TG: where are you   
TG: because if youre done catching up with nepeta then im afraid our time here is up   
CT: D --> I am not in your vicinity because I am still conversing with my moirail   
CT: D --> In the meantime I chose to contact you via my sunglasses   
TG: dude   
CT: D --> Yes   
TG: are you telling me   
TG: that we are having this conversation   
TG: while nepeta is talking to you   
TG: in person   
CT: D --> Yes   
TG: see?   
TG: case in motherfucking point   
TG: why would she honestly be with someone who would start another conversation while talking to her   
TG: i mean   
TG: i know i did that once but i barely knew her then   
TG: youre in a committed relationship with her and youre still treating her that way?   
TG: goddamn   
TG: im not knocking her or anything   
TG: but between you and karkat this girls tastes are mad questionable   
CT: D --> It sounds like you are getting cold feet   
TG: huh?   
CT: D --> Nepeta has told me about the time you two have spent together   
CT: D --> And it seems obvious to me that you are flushed for her   
TG: how did you figure it out that quickly   
CT: D --> It was honestly not that difficult   
CT: D --> According to Nepeta, Mr Vantas came to the same conc100sion when given even less information than I   
TG: shit   
TG: am i that transparent   
CT: D --> Yes   
TG: wait does nepeta know   
CT: D --> She has her suspicions, but   
CT: D --> In spite of her normally ferocious demeanor with regards to romantic matters   
CT: D --> When they involve her directly, she tends to be more reserved   
CT: D --> Cautious, even   
CT: D --> As such, she has her doubts about your feelings   
CT: D --> Because somehow, you have yet to confirm the fact to her   
CT: D --> Are you getting cold feet   
TG: what   
TG: no   
TG: my feet are hotter than fuck right now   
TG: theyre so hot that coals consider it an impressive feat to walk over my feet   
TG: thats how uncold my feet are   
TG: only reason i havent told her yet is because YOU interrupted me   
CT: D --> So you are not having second thoughts on becoming my moirail's matesprit?   
TG: i am having ONLY thoughts on that   
TG: its the only thing im thinking about   
TG: all other thoughts can form an orderly queue and march into busy traffic   
CT: D --> How unfortunate   
CT: D --> If you were reconsidering, it would make this easier   
TG: make what easier   
CT: D --> I do not think you two ought to be matesprits   
TG: cool story bro   
TG: dont give a fuck about your opinion but you go right on thinking that   
TG: our relationship is between the two of us so whatever   
CT: D --> You seem to be f001ishly underestimating the weight of my say in the decision   
CT: D --> Let me rephrase in a way you will be less likely to dismiss as "c001"   
CT: D --> I do not think I will let you two become matesprits   
TG: the fuck   
TG: are you even talking about   
TG: arent matespritship and moirailishness different quadrants   
TG: im not getting in your way so what problem do you have with it?   
CT: D --> My problem is that you are a foul-mouthed base-b100ded poison to everything you touch   
CT: D --> And while it is not my place to deny you her hand apropos of nothing   
CT: D --> It is well within my rights as a moirail to insist that she not fill her flushed quadrant with a ruffian the likes of you   
TG: so whatre you gonna do then   
TG: kidnap her?   
TG: i dont care if you are a ghost if you lay a finger on her i will find a way to kill you double dead   
CT: D --> I would never dream of laying a finger on my sweet Nepeta   
TG: then what   
CT: D --> I will simply suggest against it   
TG: ...   
TG: this is bs   
TG: you cant actually make her do anything   
TG: you arent the boss of her   
CT: D --> No   
CT: D --> I am not   
CT: D --> And yet   
CT: D --> She will do as I say   
TG: yeah well see about that   
CT: D --> Indeed we will   
CT: D --> But there may be an even simpler solution   
TG: and what might that be   
CT: D --> I tell you to back down   
TG: not gonna happen   
CT: D --> Listen, Earth human   
CT: D --> This is a direct order from a clear superior who is directly responsible for your existence   
CT: D --> And what's more, one occupying a much higher position on the hemospectrum   
CT: D --> I command you to cease your infatuation with Nepeta at once   
TG: uh   
TG: is that it?   
CT: D --> Is that what?   
TG: is that the extent of your attempt to convince me to up and ditch nepeta?   
CT: D --> Yes   
CT: D --> So what will it be?   
CT: D --> Nepeta?   
CT: D --> Or obedience?   
TG: ?   
TG: wait i get it   
TG: this is some sort of a test isnt it   
TG: some kinda bizarre troll thing   
TG: like youre seeing which i value more   
TG: nepeta or the hemospectrum   
TG: and if i make the right choice you back down and let me and nepeta get together   
TG: well you listen good   
TG: even if i were a troll and thought the hemospectrum wasnt complete bullshit   
TG: i would never give up nepeta   
TG: not for you   
TG: not for anyone   
TG: not for anything   
TG: even if 100 of the highest blooded motherfuckers out there told me nepeta and i couldnt be together   
TG: i would still choose to be with her   
TG: so there   
TG: did i pass your stupid test   
CT: D --> You surprise me, Dave   
CT: D --> I honestly did not think you would catch on so quickly to the nature of my discussion with you   
CT: D --> It was indeed a test of your character   
CT: D --> A test commonly used by moirails in Alternian society as a means of measuring the worth of a potential red suitor   
TG: ha   
TG: striders always come through in the end   
CT: D --> You misunderstand   
CT: D --> The correct answer was obedience   
CT: D --> You chose wrong, Dave   
TG: what   
TG: i was supposed to let you order me around?   
TG: thats the most retarded fucking test ive ever heard of   
CT: D --> It looks like you've failed this time Strider   
CT: D --> By the powers granted me by the   
CT: D --> What are you doing here?   
TG: huh?   
CT: D --> Fiddlesticks   
CT: D --> I meant to say that not type it   
TG: ...   
TG: uh dude   
TG: you still there   
\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is now an idle troll! --  
TG: well fuck   
TG: what am i supposed to do now?   
CT: hey dave!   
TG: hey   
TG: why are you typing different   
CT: no time to explain   
CT: i stole the sunglasses off of equius and now hes chasing me out of the room   
CT: but i can only distract him for so long!   
TG: then what do you want me to do   
CT: just do what your heart tells you   
TG: k   
TG: its telling me to find nepeta and tell her how i feel   
TG: once and for goddamned all   
CT: perfect!   
TG: sweet   
TG: gotta bounce   
TG: thanks for taking care of sweatdouche   
CT: no problem   
CT: in fact   
CT: it was my pleasure o_-

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]


	13. Chapter 13

Looking for Nepeta, Dave burst through the door.

...well, metaphorically anyway. There was no door to burst through given that he transportalized into the room. Also, since there's basically only one way to transportalize, he could hardly have been said to have burst through anything. The important thing is that he entered the room with a sense of utmost urgency, a feeling that time was of the essence, the knowledge that every second counted.

What he saw was Nepeta sitting at a tiny pink table, calmly sipping tea.

"Hey there Dave!" she said, ending in the most comforting grin Dave had ever seen.

Forgetting for a second why he was in such a hurry, Dave answered with a "sup." 

"You look thirsty." Nepeta said, setting her teacup down. "Would you like some purrl grey? Equius didn't even touch his beclaws he thought he was gonna break the cup."

_Oh, right._ Dave realized. _Him._

"Uh...Maybe later." Dave looked around cautiously. "So hey, you're done here right?"

Nepeta pondered. "Purretty much. I've got Equius all caught up on what I've been up to. Why, did you want to go somewhere?"

Dave nodded. Grabbing Nepeta by the hand, he shifted the room to the first memory he could come up with. 

"Ooh," Nepeta marveled. "Is this your tower on Derse's moon?"

Indeed it was. The red decor was highlighted with large, ethereal drawings of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. In the middle of the room was a toilet, or a dream toilet, Dave wasn't sure which. He also wasn't sure whether trolls used toilets or not. He didn't remember any toilets from all the time he had spent in Nepeta's cave, but he had a feeling she might have been an exception. _I know it's a moot point now seeing as we dead people don't need to eat or drink, but you gotta wonder where all that dreamtea ends up._

Nepeta smirked. "So I guess your load gaper ended up somewhere weird as well."

_Load gaper. Figures._ "It sure did," Dave said. "Courtesy of one Jade Harley. Did it happen to someone in your session too?"

"Yep. To Karkat. I guess you two have more in common than I thought." Nepeta grinned slyly.

Dave smiled back. Coming from anyone else, that would have been insulting. When Nepeta said it, though, he was filled with something like hope. Going off of their established repartee, she probably expected him to recoil at the compliment, to be indignant or at least act like it. But Dave was too nervous to pretend, too enamored. Not knowing what to say, he continued to smile.

Nepeta plopped herself down on Dave's dream bed. They had sat on the real counterpart many times before when they were plotting the demise of Karkat and Terezi's relationship. She had sat then as she sat now, legs crisscross, back straight, leaning slightly forward, arms in front. Like a predator she had perched, ever eager. Dave had always assumed she was excited about Karkat. He was out of the picture now though, and yet Nepeta looked the same as she did then. 

"So..." she said, her tougue innocently flicking out to lick her lips, "You said you had something you needed to tell me?"

Dave took his place opposite her on the bed. "I do," he said. He also sat as he always had, legs extended, back a little crooked, leaning slightly backward, arms behind him supporting his weight. Somewhat unaware of the fact, he had been waiting for something back then, ever cautious. He knew now what it was he was waiting for--and he was done waiting.

_Alright Dave, just like you rehearsed._ "Nepeta, I am not lying when I say that the time I've spent with you is the best experience I've ever had." Unexpectedly, Dave was interrupted with an "Awwww!" from Nepeta. She gave him a look of gratitude and anticipation which managed to eliminate from Dave's mind every last word of the speech he had been practicing in his head ever since Equius showed up and gave him time to think. _Shit. Why does she have to be so damn cute? Guess I'll have to improvise._

"No, seriously. Like all those hours we sat on my bed like this, just chilling, trying to figure out how we were going to manipulate Karkat into dumping Terezi. And I'd suggest something and you'd say I was taking it too far or not playing by the rules and I'd say that sometimes when you want something you just have to go for it and you would say that was all well and good but there was no sense in..." He stopped. He wondered why it suddenly so hot in his room. "I'm rambling," he said. "Am I rambling?"

"You're rambling."

"Right. Well, I guess what I'm trying to get at is I wasn't doing that so I could have a shot at Terezi. I did it because it was fun. I liked hanging out with you and I thought you would be happy with Karkat. I really want to make you happy and it took me too long to figure out why that was." He paused. There was no way he could back out now. It was the point of no return. He took one look at Nepeta sitting across from him, eyes wide, hood down, and cuter than he had ever seen her, and decided. 

"Nepeta." Dave smiled, nervously but honestly. "I love you."

Before he could draw another breath, Nepeta launched herself at him. Her arms wrapped around Dave's torso. He found himself struggling to support his seated position with his arms, and fell back unto the bed, letting his arms wrap around her. They held each other tightly, and Dave could feel a heart beating even faster than his own. Her warmth spread over him, and something strange happened. Now that he had everything he ever wanted, he found himself wanting more.

Nepeta was the first to pull up. "Now was that so hard?" she teased, still on top of him.

"Like you wouldn't believe." Wanting a better look at her, Dave tossed his shades to the side. He chuckled, more nervous than he should have been. "I take it you feel the same way?"

The distance between their faces narrowed as Nepeta moved in closer. She brought her lips to his. Dave, unprepared and somehow surprised, was unsure of what exactly to do in return. It ended up not mattering, as Nepeta pulled away after what was a brief kiss. 

"How do you think I feel, silly!" She stuck her tongue out and rolled onto her side. Dave adjusted himself, and soon the two were lying next to each other on the bed. They gazed at one another, each smiling a little more when they saw the other do the same, like an arms race of happy. 

Wanting to get something off of his chest, Dave was the first to break the sweet silence. "Don't know about you, but I kinda wish I had told you sooner." 

"Me too! I've been wanting this to happen fur a while now." She petted Dave's head, her coarse fingers tracing shapes through his blond hair. "But I understand how you feel. You were just a little caught up in the way things were before and you didn't want that to change. It can be purretty easy to get caught up in the past, especially in these bubbles. Everywhere you go you are confronted by a memeowry. It's almost impawsible to escape! But at the same time, I think we have to escape it. Just beclaws you're surrounded by your old life, it doesn't mean that's the life you have to live." 

"I can totally see where you're coming from," Dave said. "It's almost like the bubble is some sort of test. When you get sent here you get a choice: you can let yourself be consumed by your past, or you can learn what it has to teach and move on."

"I don't know about you," Nepeta purred, "but I think I made the right choice."

Dave laid his hand on her shoulder, as if to make sure she was actually there. She was, and to Dave that was the most beautiful truth in paradox space. _Before me lies Nepeta Leijon, concrete and lovely and real._ He cleared his throat softly and asked a question he already knew the answer to. "Matesprits?"

"Furever," she answered. She stared into his eyes, dead as hers, yet undoubtedly full of life. She draped her arms around his neck.

"Are you sure?" Dave leered playfully. He found his hands drawn to her neck as well. Nepeta nodded, her face so close to his that their noses touched as she did. 

"I'm pawsitive." She went in for another kiss and this time Dave was ready. He tilted his head, gingerly pulled her in, and closed his eyes. Her lips met his, their warmth melting away all the doubt, all the fear, all the misgivings in Dave's mind. All that remained was color and joy and passion. Were he less preoccupied, less in love, less profoundly happy, his former rival's words might have echoed through his head: _CHEESY MUSIC PLAYS. ROLL CREDITS. THE END._

Luckily for Dave, this was only the beginning.

***

They had to stop smooching eventually, as Dave's arm was starting to fall asleep. He got up off of the bed and walked over to the window, beckoning Nepeta to follow. "So what memeowry is this anyway?" Nepeta asked.

"It's from the time I looked into the furthest ring with no shades on. You ever do that?"

She got up and traipsed over to him. "Not really. Whenefur I was asleep, I was too busy flying around and exploring Derse to pay much attention to the sky."

"You want to try it?" Dave asked, reaching out his hand. Nepeta's clothes switched to her derse outfit as she took his hand. Together they flew out of the window and gazed into the abyss.

"Shit makes you feel small, doesn't it?" Dave said after a while. "All those Horrorterrors out there watching us?"

"Yeah..." said Nepeta dreamily.

"Have you ever considered how unlikely all of this is?" Dave mused. "I mean there are so many bubbles out there it's totally possible we could have never met. We're at the whims of the gods. There were so many times I could have lost you furever--" He pulled Nepeta in closer and held her tightly. "I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel really lucky to be with you."

Nepeta nuzzled Dave's shoulder. "You want to know something, Dave?" she purred.

"What?"

"Luck had nothing to do with it." Nepeta smiled. Dave tousled her hair. Neither noticed the streak of maroon sparkles overhead, nor the passing meteor in the distance. They just floated in each other's arms, eagerly awaiting eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
